Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Christmas Break Is Here.

Christmas Break is finally here. I might not be so excited if the kids were the only ones out for two weeks, but it is my break too. School for me is going really well, but it doesn't leave a lot of time to keep up with all my other obligations. I am sorry to admit the website here has suffered.
I hope everyone will remember that this is a very difficult time of year for many of us. When we are supposed to be happy, cheerful and full of fun so many of us are just having a hard time getting out of bed. Remember that you are not alone. Another depressing thought for you is that more people commit suicide at the holidays than any other time of the year. So it isn't just you and you are not alone even though you may feel like it. Do your best not to isolate yourself; even if it is the only thing you really feel like doing.

For those of you who are not bipolar, but have children or loved ones who are, please keep this valuable information in mind. Don't plague yourself with questions about why your child seems so down after you went to so much work and expense to give them a nice holiday. There is so much anticipation built into the pre-holiday hype that once the gifts are open and it is all said and done there is a real "let down." Some bipolar children will experience this more than others and some adults too. With children this could come out more in anger than depression. Try to keep them on a schedule, especially with their medication and sleep. Remember that they are not like all the other kids that may be around for the holidays and at times they just really need a little down time. They may not realize that, but if you figure it out you can initiate it and hopefully they will follow suit and feel better after a little down time. With all this in mind try to have a nice holiday and remember that just having your family at home with you (not in the hospital) and being together is all that really matters.

Just to catch you up, if you haven't heard, there have been some great changes made to IDEA that will take affect in July 2005. So if you are planning to work out a new IEP with your child's school don't let them force you into doing anything at the end of this year. Be sure to review the changes to see if they will affect you and your child and then plan to meet with the school just before the beginning of the 2005-2006 school year and implement the new changes to your advantage. For a complete update and understanding of the new laws go to www.wrightslaw.com

The DBSA of Northwest Indiana recently received some much needed funding from the Porter-Starke Foundation. We are very grateful to them and so happy that they support the work we are doing. We hope to be able to get more people involved in the support groups. We know from experience that it really does help.

We have had some really wonderful group discussions lately. We have two interesting speakers coming in February and March. The speaker meetings are always the first Wednesday of the month in Valparaiso at 6 P.M..

In February Dr. Robert Walsh will be joining us to discuss how to simplify the process of Social Security/Disability for you or your children. Dr. Walsh is in private practice in Chesterton, but once a week he spends a day in Fort Wayne doing evaluations for the state. He is very knowledgeable in the field of child psychology and I just can't sing his praises loudly enough. Those of you who have heard him speak know to arrive early to get a seat and we will prepare for a large group.

In March Dr. Mary Zamanski will be joining us to discuss the heart wrenching topic of suicide; centering on teen suicide. There are few of us in this field that have not been touched at one time on another by this topic. Dr. Zamanski is in private practice in Chesterton. She treats people of all ages and does couples therapy. She is very interested in helping teens and has been a real asset to our teen support group. We will look forward to seeing all of you there. Please feel free to bring your teens. They will be joining the adult group that evening for the speaker and discussion.

I will try to get some new information on this site for you while I am on winter break. I hope all of you are able to have a good holiday and a happy new year.


Thursday, November 11, 2004

In Case You Missed Dr. Lelek's Visit

Dr. Lelek was a pleasure to have as a speaker as usual. He is a great supporter of self-help groups. He encourages everyone diagnosed with a mood or mental disorder to seek the help of those who have been there. Dr. Lelek feels that it is important to have the right medication for your disorder or disorders, a good plan of therapy with a therapist that you're comfortable with and that you trust, and last but by no means least...a support group. DBSA offers support, advice, and can direct you to professionals in the area that can help you.

Dr. Lelek says that he seldom sees patients with single diagnoses anymore. He is seeing more and more not only duel diagnoses, but also poly-diagnoses of two or more disorders. Many of us with bipolar children know that bipolar disorder often goes hand in hand with ADHD or other learning disorders. Dr. Lelek said that is why it is so important to use a psychiatrist that is familiar with all of the many psychotropic medications. These medications change so rapidly and new ones are being developed everyday. A general practionaner or your child's pediatrician just can't keep up with the combinations and the side effects. If you have a duel or poly-diagnoses it is often necessary to find a medication that will treat each of the diagnoses. This often requires taking a combination of an SSRI to fight depression, a GABA for the mania, a mood stabilizer to keep the bipolar symptoms at bay and depending on what else is going on perhaps another medication to address that issue.

We often think that we are going to become addicted to all these drugs we are taking, but Dr. Lelek assures us that we will not become drug addicts from taking medicines that our brains need to function at its full ability. This does not mean that you should ever just stop a medication suddenly. It is important to have your psychiatrist assist you in any decision to stop or change a medication. You may not go through psychological withdrawal, but you could become very manic or depressed suddenly and it will be much harder to control this episode if you stop a medication suddenly on your own.

Many of these medications also need time to start working. It is not uncommon to expect a month to pass before you really notice a difference. After that you need to give the medicine a chance, to see if it will be the correct medicine and dose for you. The medication rule is "go slow” when working with psychotropic medications. Doses need to be increased slowly and given time to work. It is also important to know the possible side effects and when to call the doctor. It is a good idea to let your doctor know immediately if you experience a rash or other unexpected side effects.

We always seem to get Dr. Lelek off his true lecture and onto a discussion about medication.
He is a Doctor of psychology, he also holds state and national accreditation as a drug and alcohol therapist, but he is not a prescribing psychiatrist. He has been working with drugs and their devastation since 1976. He is wonderful to talk to and very knowledgeable about the workings of the brain and how medications can affect those workings. So we tend to take advantage of his ability to put things in lay terms when it comes to medications.

We did discuss therapy with Dr. Lelek. He says he occasionally sees cases of SBS...Spoiled Brat Syndrome. Many of we parents might admit to seeing this syndrome in our own children. Even children who suffer with mood disorders can have this co-morbid syndrome. I know, I am guilty of giving into my child when he is behaving because it is so much easier than having him explode if I don't. Dr. Lelek told us that "Consequences and Stability" are two of the most important steps in regaining control over our children. I have tried to think of every possible "action" my child is known to commit and have made a list of the punishment these actions will result in. It is posted on the refrigerator to remind both of us to stick with it and be consistent.

Most of us probably attend or send our children to the old standard of "Cognitive Behavior Therapy." Dr. Lelek practices this, but has some new ideas that he is finding better results with. Like "RET" Rational Emotive Therapy... the main premise is "Change the thinking and control the feelings." Consistency+ Time = Change. I know many of us just wish our children would think, what we think of as, "normal." An example would be the child that has to buy the shoes NOW and will die if she doesn't get them. The "all or nothing" thought pattern that so many bipolar people, young and old, get into at times.

Dr. Lelek suggests using "Reality Therapy" with teens. Make them responsible for their behavior, and the consequences of that behavior. It is important to let a teen feel that they have some control of their life, but let them know that with that control comes responsibility. With all these therapies it is important to encourage the self-esteem of a child or teen. This is often a stumbling block for those afflicted with a mood disorder.

Dr. Stanley Lelek has an office in Valparaiso at 8 N Morgan Blvd. 219-464-9495. He takes most health plans and government subsidized plans. He also believes that treatment is the most important issue and he is there to help people not to get rich. We at DBSA want to thank him for coming to speak to our group once again.


Sunday, October 24, 2004

Children Learn What They Live by: Dorothy Law Nolte

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith
in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world
is a nice place in which to live.


This is one to print and put up on the fridge. We often forget that our children are learning from us and everything we do. The example we set could make a lifetime of difference. We need to think about who we want our children to become and start now to shape their lives before it is too late.
So, the next time the man in the sports car cuts you off, stop and think before you yell obscenities at him. Your children are listening. Pay attention to the words you use. Children learn to do as we do, not as we tell them to do. It is embarrassing when the teacher calls to tell your child said *#^**!! on the playground. Teachers never believe that "we don't speak that way at home." Even if it is true.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Dr. Stanley Lelek , Guest Speaker in November

There are no more new hours in the day, but I am hanging in there. I wanted to let all of you know that you need to mark your calendars for the November 3rd meeting of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in Valparaiso. The incredible Dr. Stanley Lelek will be our guest speaker once again. For those or you who are not familiar with the doctor, just trust us that you will love him.

Dr. Lelek is a renowned Drug and Alcohol Counselor and a fabulous therapist. He tells it like it is and answers questions in words everyone can understand. I hope you won't just take my word for it, but come and see why we all love Dr. Lelek so much. DBSA is meeting at the Aled P. Davies Center at 1454 W. Lincoln Way at 6:00 P.M.

We are also holding the Teen/Young Adult meetings on the first and third Wednesdays at the same place, but they have a separate room. I hope the teens will join us for the speaker portion. I feel that they can benefit from Dr. Lelek's wisdom more than anyone.

Friday, October 01, 2004

A School Meeting Nightmare

If anyone can figure out how to add more hours to the day, please let me know. Otherwise please be patient when the content on this site is a little scarce. School is going really well, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and understanding of this new adventure I'm on.

I recently attended a school conference for a seven-year old boy, with the boy’s mother. I was there in the roll of Mental Health Advocate. Those parents who have sat across the table from the "School IEP Committee" will be able to relate to this information. For those of you with bipolar children or who plan to someday have children, all I can say is your time will come. Yes, it can be as bad as people tell you and you really need to be knowledgeable and prepared. I really thought I had seen and heard everything a school could come up with for not providing a bipolar child an education in the "least restrictive environment" as required by law. Well, I found a school whose administration is willing to sink to new lows.

The meeting was not an IEP meeting because this school will not recognize that this child has a disability at all. Even though they have seen the documentation from the doctor that this child is bipolar. He also suffers from some other issues and is unable to grasp the concept of writing, probably due to a disorder called "dysgraphia." The school has tested him by using the Peabody Test (Piat-R). I know you parents were waiting for the rest of the list of the testing done, but that is what the school is basing all of its decisions on. They were unwilling to make appropriate accommodations for this child with a disability and considered him average or above average even though he can not write a sentence that can be read or do the other things a second grader should be able to do. His parents enrolled him in first grade due to his lack of social skills as well as other skills, but had they not insisted he would have been in second grade with no assistance from Special Education.

During the first week of school he had his first emotional break at school. Okay, I hear you parents saying, "that is normal, it will be the first of many, get use to it." You will love this...His mother had forgotten to give the child his meds and took them to the school one hour after he would normally take them. The school stated, in writing, that this was the cause of the bipolar rage they got to witness first hand, even though according to the administration he has no disability, he does not need services, just a mother that will give him his meds on time.

The parents decided to home school the child until an appropriate education plan could be developed. The mother is certified to do this and had done it during the time the child was unable to attend school. This is where it gets good or bad...how about ridiculous!!!
The school principal turned the parents name into the Department of Children and Family Services. The school feels that the child will be unable to receive proper instruction at home because according to the Peabody test and the two weeks he spent in the class room "his current level of academic function is below his intellectual ability...based on this information and our concern for (his) academic growth, we are also forwarding a copy of this letter to the Department of Children and Family Services."

I was shocked beyond belief. During this meeting, I was very concerned about the schools lack of cooperation. They were far more interested in pointing fingers at the parents for the child's behavior. Believing that he was in control and not mentally handicapped. The parents will not be sending him to that school if they decide to try public school again. Perhaps this is what the school had intended the entire time. I think a school administration can see those parents that are not going to push back and know that they won't have to provide services for that child. I know this is not true at all schools. My son has a very good IEP in place, but I really owe that to the research we did and our unwillingness to accept anything less than what he needed to succeed.

The point here, yes, I had a point, is to educate yourself before you meet with the school. "Wrights law" book or website is a great place to start. If your child has two parents both of you should make an effort to attend the meeting with the school. If you are a single parent take a friend or relative with you. You won't feel so out numbered. Never sign anything at the table. Always take it home and give yourself time to think it over, no matter how hard they try to convince you. Call and ask if you have any questions about the documents they have sent with you. It is your child's education on the line and it is worth your full attention, time, and energy no matter how few hours there are in your day.


Friday, September 17, 2004

Yelling: How to break the cycle.

Are you a "yeller"? I was a yeller and I learned it from my mother. My mom could strike fear in the most defiant of children. Her green eyes would flash and we knew what was coming. She never raised a hand to us, but at times we all would have preferred that to the yelling.

I too, would never have dreamed of raising a hand toward my children, but I yelled just as my mother had. I would often wonder if I was harming them in some way by yelling, but could not stop myself. At the time, I never considered this a sign of how close to the edge I was mentally. I didn't realize this until I began to get angry because my child spilled milk on the table, or took a toy from his brother. When I realized I was yelling over things I never should have, I knew I needed help. My doctor and I worked out the correct med combination and I haven't yelled since...okay, well not much, and never for the little reasons that seem so silly now.

When I am in public and I hear a mother or father (even grandma or grandpa) yelling at a child I always stop and wonder if they know the damage they could be causing their child. In 2003 a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family said 74 percent of parents yell or scream at their children on a regular basis. We are not talking about shouting, "dinner is ready" or yelling, "stop" before a child is caused harm. Some families are just loud and boisterous, but their children are use to this and it is not harmful.

What is harmful? When you are yelling at a child face to face in anger. You may be angry and frustrated and at times it could be for a very legitimate reason, but this does not make it right. The words you use can be just as harmful, or more so, than a physical blow. Put downs, insults, threats, and disrespect can cause long-term harm to a child's self-esteem. Where is it written that our children must respect their elders, but that they don't deserve our respect? Yes, they do deserve to be scolded sometimes. We do get angry when we have to tell them for the tenth time to do their chores, but do they really listen any better when our voices are louder?

Why do we feel it is okay to yell and scream at our children, to humiliate them in public? Because it has been a long accepted practice. Because, like me, you remember your parents yelling at you. What makes our children less important than our friends, co-workers, or strangers we come into contact with everyday? When someone at works spills their coffee all over your report you don't yell at them and threaten to take away their computer if they don't stop being so clumsy. Yet, our co-workers could probably handle this criticism better than our children. Children hear insults like; you're clumsy, stupid, lazy, or hateful as "I don't love you" or "You are not worthy of love." I know, some of this really seems like psychobabble to a lot of you. Your parents yelled at you and you turned out fine. I thought that for years too, but stop and listen to what you are saying, could you be harming your child's self-esteem?

The next time you yank on their arm, yell at them for spilling their juice, tell them to stop being so stupid, or that they had better listen to you if they know what is good for them, stop and listen to yourself. Would you talk to you friend, boss, co-worker, or dog like this? Would you scream, saying that they need to respect you? Insults and put-downs are never okay to say to a child, anymore than they would be to say to your co-worker or the grocery store clerk. Sometimes we all need to raise our voices to someone, but at work or school we manage to do that without reverting to demeaning vocalizations.

When your teen has you so angry you could spit, and they are yelling, it would be so easy to yell back. What kind of example would you be setting for them? Would you be showing them any respect, as you are yelling that they have to respect your rules? No, so take the high road. Set an example you would be proud to have your child follow. Take a few deep breaths and quietly say,"Let's discuss this." Better yet say, "We will discuss this later when you are more calm." This is punishment in itself, because they really want you to get down on their level with them. With smaller children it often works to get their attention by whispering. They have to listen closer to hear what you are saying.

Yes, we are still going to yell at times, but what you yell is so much more important than how you do it. Make sure your child knows that the action was wrong, but that they are loved and important to you. More important than what use to be the lamp. Calmly tell them they will have to pay for it from their allowance or do extra chores. Let them know that you are disappointed that they made the choice to play ball in the living room after you had told them not to so many times before. Things can be replaced. Your child with their growing self-esteem and core values are harder to come by and easily damaged.

I don't expect anyone to change a habit, like yelling, overnight but recognize it for what it is, a bad behavior. Make a promise to yourself and to your children to stop yelling. Believe me they will remind you, just as you remind them. Change takes time and energy, but in the long run it is worth it. Someday you will be so proud of the way your child speaks to your grandchildren and you will know that you took the first step to "stopping the yelling."

If you feel you need more help than just changing a bad behavior please contact www.parentsanonymous.org or www.parentsoup.com If you feel like you are out of control contact your family doctor, a therapist or seek group support.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

DBSA will meet Wed. in a new location.

The DBSA will have a new meeting location in Valparaiso. We will now be having our Wednesday meetings at the Aled P. Davies Independence House. This is a community center operated by Porter-Starke. It is located at 1454 W. Lincoln Way. This location is easy to find. Come off Hwy 49 and get onto Lincoln Way toward Hwy 130. It is a white building with a blue awning just past the Beauty School. We will also have soda pop and snacks available for purchase at this location.

Another change is taking place. The Teen/Young Adult group will be meeting at the same location on the first and third Wednesday also. This community center is large enough that the teens can have their own separate meeting space and perhaps the parents can participate in the Adult group. The rest of the schedule remains the same.

I realize many of you have noticed my lack of new information lately. I started back to school full time, after LaborDay, and it has been a bit of an adjustment. I have been out of school for a long time, it will take me a few weeks to get into the studying mode and be able to keep up with my postings at this site. I am continuing to work for the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance.
I hope you will continue to check in at the blog site and I will do my best to keep the fresh information coming.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Speaker Meeting Wednesday, Should Not Be Missed: 6:00pm Valparaiso

On Wednesday September 1st. I hope you will join us for a fabulous and informative speaker presentation. Michaeline Florek, Coordinator of Services for Students with Disabilities at Purdue Calumet, will be joining us. She will speak to us about Furthering Education with Depression, Mental, or Physical Limitations. She will tell us what accommodations are available at the college level and how to get the assistance you need. She will also discuss the issues involving children of all ages and answer questions about how to get the appropriate education plan for your child or yourself.
We feel so honored to have Michaeline join us. We are expecting a large turn-out for this discussion. In anticipation of such, Porter-Starke Services has generously donated the use of their auditorium and will provide us with refreshments. The space is directly across from our general meeting space at 601 Wall St. Close enough to park there and walk across the street. Staff will be present to point out the direction. I hope we will see you there. 6:00pm 701 Wall St. in the gym.

Don't forget to tune into Dateline NBC or set your recorder. Jane Pauley lived and thrived in the public eye with bipolar disorder. She is successful, famous, and bipolar. You can have it all. For more information and local schedule log on to www.msnbc.msn.com .

We have publicized that Jodi James of Purdue North Central would be speaking to us about depression and furthering education. We are sorry to report that Ms. James was injured in an accident and is unable to join us at this time. We will reschedule at a later date and wish Jodi a speedy recovery.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Stressed Out Kids: Part 2

Thank you for your comments to this site and to the email. I am glad to see that so many parents are worried about the welfare of their children. For those of you that were not sure if you should be concerned, keep in mind that all children are individuals and we should never think that what is right for one child will be right for all children. Not all kids are effected or overwhelmed by their schedules. Some kids can handle the constant motion of their full lives. I have one son that would be happy to be on the go all week to different activities, but the other would be overwhelmed by just a few extra curricular activities. As I have stated, all children are different and they all handle stress in their own way. Often it is a learned process, so take a serious look at yourself. Being in tune to your child is the most helpful thing you can do. Ask your child if they are feeling overwhelmed. Give them the right to take a personal day from a scheduled practice if they need to. In my family we have a rule that each family member has three personal days during the school year. It can't be used to get out of a test, or something they don't want to do, but it can be used as a mental health day. If one of us is feeling overwhelmed we know we need to take a break before we break.

Even the smallest of children can be overwhelmed by their day to day life. A preschooler can become warn down by the constant changes of child care and parents that are stressed out when they are with them. Children this small can't tell you how they feel, but they can show you by being cranky, crying a lot, and loss of appetite. Grade school kids can show they are overwhelmed in different ways also. They too can be irritable, suffer from headaches, begin getting in trouble at school, or suffer from insomnia because their minds can't stop thinking of all the things they need to accomplish. Keep in mind that the lack of need for sleep can be a sign of a more serious problem. If your child is showing signs of irritability, tendency toward rage, rapid speech, and mood swings these could be the signs of a mood disorder and you should contact a licensed therapist for an evaluation.

First and foremost what kind of role model do you make for your child? Does your child see you stressed out most of the time? Do your children witness, on a regular basis, you and your spouse arguing over who had the roughest day? Do either of you demonstrate what it looks like to relax? If you answered yes to the first two questions and no to the third, you are not alone, but things need to change. How will your child learn to relax if they never see you do it. You are the biggest role model that they have. It is an awesome responsibility so don't take it lightly. Many kids, when asked, say how their parents deal with stress in the family and how they pass that stress on to them is the biggest affecter of their own stress level. While parents thought their kids extra curricular activities and pressure to achieve were most stressful to them. Schools, even at the elementary level, are instituting stress management programs, but the changes need to begin at home.

When you come home, take the time to ask your child about their day, not complain about your own day. Then, actually sit and listen to what your child is saying. Don't sort through the mail or work on dinner, just pay attention to your child and let them know that they matter. You are their rock. If you don't have the answers and strength to help them, who does? Leave the work and worry outside the door. Bringing it home isn't fair to your family or yourself. I realize that today to be at the top you have to work twice as hard, but I have seen what this can do to families. Is it really worth it? Your children won't love you any less if you spend quality time with them instead of buying things to occupy them. Isolation increases stress. A child can not destress in front of the TV or video game alone. This simply creates over stimulation which can cause more stress. Even if it does keep them out of your hair for a while.

We all need to make an effort to bring back the family dinner. That means to turn off the TV and talk to each other. Make a habit of going around the table and having each person tell one good thing about their day. No complaining, just good things. Go for a walk together before dinner or after. Agree to play one game of Uno or Rummy after the table is cleared, three times a week. You will see your child help clear the table, on those nights, without having to ask. Some nights I am so overwhelmed that I know I will be up all night if I don't get the kids to bed and get busy, but I force myself to take a few deep breaths, pick up the book we are all reading together, and read to them for fifteen to thirty minutes. They are well beyond the ages of reading to themselves, but when studied, children that were read to into the teen years had a much closer relationship with their parents. When they begin to bulk at reading with you start a book club together and set aside some time each week to discuss the book you have chosen. This will also give you a chance to see what interest your child. Take turns picking the books and don't complain when it is their turn. Learn a relaxing technic together. The elementary years are a good time for a child to learn to "breath" through their anger. Breath slowly will counting to 10 before you respond to them or ask them a second time to do something. Yoga is great for relaxing and it does increase flexiblity and strength. It is really catching on with today's teens.

Rome wasn't built in a day and change is never easy. If you have never even wondered if your child is over scheduled and stressed out, begin slowly to make changes. Let them choose what is really important to them and teach them that it is okay to say "no." They don't have to be on the soccer team just because they are great at it. They should be there if they enjoy it. I am not saying that you shouldn't insist a child stick with a sport once they begin it, but know them well enough to see if they are doing it for you or because they really enjoy it. If your child or teen is overwhelmed with school work give them a chance to simplify their life. Teach them now to prioritize, and make a to-do list. You will never be sorry. Have a big calendar or two hanging around and have everyone put their activities in an individual color. This makes it easier to see who should be where and when. Practice your own organizational skills so you can teach by example, or better yet, learn together.

Being a parent has never been easy, but I feel it is only getting harder. Take some time to simplify your own life. Make a list of what is really important and what you can live without. Hopefully your family will be at the top of the important list. Now make a conscious effort to make them a priority. Let your kids know that you love them everyday and support them in the decisions they make. If you respect them, they are far more likely to confide in you when they need advice.

Believe me, I don't have all the answers. Some of these things will work and some won't. You just have to find the time and energy to try, and our kids are worth that. Keep an eye on your teen and if they are overwhelmed don't brush it aside. Teen suicide is rising everyday and it is so much easier to see the problems in the hindsight, but no parent wants to realize they could have helped their child after it is too late. Know the signs of teen depression and suicide. Log on to Yellowribbon.org and get help even if you suspect they need it.



Sunday, August 22, 2004

Stressed Out Kids

Children are experiencing far more stress these days than ever before. Prescriptions are being written for depression and anxiety medications in record numbers. In a 2003 Survey conducted by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions/Drunk Driving 43% of 13 to 14-year-olds say they feel stress everyday. By the time these teens reach 15 to 17-years of age that number increases to 59%. What is stressing these adolescents the most? They admit they are stressed out about their homework, pressure to excel, relationships with parents, time constraints, and they feel anxiety about their appearance and weight.

Our younger children are often over scheduled. Due to policies like No Child Left Behind, schools are pushing children harder than ever before to succeed. School is beginning earlier each year to get as much learning crammed into their growing brains before government mandated standardized testing beings in October or November. Homework use to begin in third or fourth grade now it begins in earnest in first grade. By fourth grade most children are bringing home up to one hour per grade level in homework each evening. Parents want so much more for their children than they had themselves. It is like trying to keep up with the Jones, but we want our children to be better than theirs too. Recent studies suggest that at least 25% of all children suffer from test related anxiety serious enough to make them physically ill.

In addition to all that homework they are being taxied to soccer practice, track, football, karate, piano lessons, or a host of other activities. Sports are becoming more and more competitive. Soccer no longer has a season, but is played year round as is basketball. In 2002 a study published in the Journal of Sport Behavior stated that 90% of 10th graders had dropped out of a sports program they had begun. Why? Too much pressure, they are overwhelmed by the class work/homework needed to get into a good college and the pressure to excel academically.

For those who have children with a mood disorder, the University Of California study that found stress causes the body to produce chemicals in the brain that lead to kids craving sweets and carbohydrates, is no big surprise. The number of overweight children is rising more and more each year. What parent doesn't find it easier to zip through McDonald's between piano lessons and soccer practice. Not all of this weight can be blamed on McDonald's though, stress plays a big part in it too. Even a child's body produces cortisol in response to stress. How many of us take the time to have our child's cholesterol checked? You could be horrified at the findings, if you insisted that your doctor do the test. A 2000 National institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism study suggests that adolescents with high cortisol levels produced by stress are more likely to abuse alcohol.

High school was and remains difficult for many people. Today the pressure is so great that more than ever overwhelmed teens are taking their own lives. Teen suicide is becoming the leading cause of young deaths in our nation. All this stress is also triggering depression in young adults in record numbers. We know that the teen years are the time when most bipolar disorders are diagnosed. Mood disorders are also becoming more and more prominate at younger ages. Studies are on going to determine if there is a link between stress at earlier ages and the onset of bipolar disorder and other mood disorders.

Think back and see if there is a time in your memory where you said to your child, "What do you mean you don't feel like going to practice? I paid good money for you to be in this program and you are going to go." I know I can remember at least a few times when I have uttered these word and I pride myself on being someone not to overschedule my children. Now that you are all thinking about this topic I will let you digested it a few days and tell you what you can do differently if you want to improve the life of your child. Check back later in the week for Stressed Out Kids Part 2.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Update on Custodial Rights Case

I am so happy to report that following the publication of the article on this blog, media interest, and support the story has a happy ending. Jennifer and Stephen have been reunited with their ten-year-old daughter. It was a wonderful moment that made even the most jaded of the advocacy world have tears in their eyes. It reminded us why we fight this battle against the stigma of mental health. The call came on Friday evening after the local media had accompanied the parents on an attempt to visit the child. The parents appeared to be denied their legal right to visit their own child during the prescribed times.

After months of court battles, filing petitions and mental stress that would have beaten down the strongest of parents these parents are able to sleep knowing their daughter is back where she belongs. They know that it will not be easy to raise this child, but feel that they are up to the challenge. Congratulations and remember you are never alone.

All I really want to add is that God or some greater force gives us these children who are bipolar. Some of us can follow the family tree and know we are not the first in the family to travel this road, some have adopted a child and never knew their dream would turn out like this. What we all need to remember is that we were chosen for this challenge and the way we complete it will show our true worth. You can bury your head or you can rise to the challenge.

Most of the children I meet have an incredible side to their personality that when nurtured can grow and flourish. This is what we must all remember when we say we can't do this one more day. Somehow we find the strength to go on. Support groups like DBSA have helped many find that strength because they have been there and they won't question your parenting skills, but help you fine tune them. You can in turn can find the beauty in your child and help them to flourish.

A child is never so dysfunctional that they should be given up on. If you are perpetuating dysfunction that you learned in your family setting, get help. Reach out and you will find a therapist or an organization to guide you. Your child, no matter what the diagnoses, deserves your very best effort and then some. These children are the future leaders of America.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Protect Your Custodial Rights



Imagine that your child was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD at the age of five. Okay, for some of us this isn’t a real stretch of the imagination. You do what we have all done and learn all that you possibly can about these disorders and how to best deal with them. You search for a doctor that will take children and you try the medicines that he suggests. Some of those medicines make your child so sick that it breaks your heart. You keep plugging on for a few years changing medicines every few months due to side effects or because they aren’t really working. You try not to read the inserts that come in those samples the psychiatrist gives you to try on your child. If you do read them you are so scared to death that you are going to poison your child trying to make her better. Some meds seem to work for a little while and then your child wakes up one day totally out of control. Now what? The psychiatrist sends her to the hospital because it will be easier and safer to adjust the meds there. All you really know is that your 10 year-old child is so out of control you don’t know how to handle her. She is aggressive, violent, irritable or depressed. Then you find her in her room cutting into her skin, begging you to let her die. This is your 10 year old without the correct medication. What is this horrible, devastating illness and how are you going to get the upper hand? Where did your child get this and will it ever go away, but most important what can you do to keep her alive and to keep your younger children safe?

Your psychiatrist must know best, so you take your child to a reputable hospital where you pray she will get the care and the medication she needs. When you go to the hospital to pick up your child and they tell you that they have done what they can. They give you a pamphlet and suggest that you should consider a Residential Treatment Center to place your child in for a few months. Just until the medication is fully on board and she has learned some coping skills. It sounds terrifying at this moment to let your 10 year old move to a full time hospital. The doctors convince you that you will have a chance to deal with the trauma of knowing things may never get any better than this. Your child is mentally ill and you both need to learn how to handle this and develop coping skills.

You read the literature the hospital gave you. This Residential Treatment Center sounds like a fabulous place. When you talk to the admission department at the treatment center they all seem so nice and convince you that they can help your child. They give you unwritten assurances that when she comes back to you she will once again be the sweet little child that you remember from before this hell all began.

It all sounds like a good plan. Thank God there is someone who believes they can help your child and they are willing to begin treatment immediately. Wait…this is not a perfect world, so of course there is a draw back. It is cost prohibitive. A term we are all so familiar with. In the world of mental illness you are actually better off if you are receiving Federal Aid. If you have a good job and health insurance you have a very limited amount of time your child can spend in a hospital let alone a Residential Treatment Facility. This facility is telling you that they can help your child and like any parent you would do anything that would help you get your child back to “normal.” It costs $10,000.00 a month. That seems like an outrageous amount of money so this place must be the best. Even the name sounds reassuring. You know you have to help your child now or she might not live to see 11.

There is a way…you could relinquish your custodial rights, just for a little while. The state will let you do this and they will pay for your child to go to this fabulous treatment center. You are told that lots of parents, just like you, are forced to do this to be able to give their child the care that they truly need. You are reassured that when your child is well again you won’t have any trouble getting your custodial rights reinstated and your child will be back home and healthy.

Again this isn’t a perfect world so there must be a catch, but what could it be? You are a parent and you can handle anything as long as you know that your child is safe from suicide and learning to deal with her illness. Even letting her live in this state of the art center surrounded by doctors, nurses and aids that know all about mental illness and how to best care for your child during this time of severe illness.

This is where the nightmare begins…you feel the fabulous Residential Treatment Center with the serene name is Hell on Earth. You come to visit your child and she has bruises on her neck. A male psych tech chose to restrain her physically resulting in the bruises. In another instance she is in need of medical attention that is not provided. Her mental health is not improving, but she is learning some horrible habits. She has a new vocabulary that you would only hear from a group of sailors. You can not believe that you were so wrong about all of this. Why has this situation changed so dramatically from what was represented when the option was presented? Who is responsible for oversight and what is being done? Do any of them really know what goes on at this treatment center? How could they and let it take place? This is really insane.

What can you do to get your child out of this place? You have to let people know what you think is going on here. You call an attorney and he agrees to help. You file all the right motions, and you think people would want to hear about the abuse you feel that your child and other children could be experiencing. They should want to help you and your child. No body could even imagine the possibility of a child being mistreated and let any facility get away with it. You believe in justice and fairness. You tell them to please give your child back and you will take care of her and spend every dime you have to take care of her medical needs. The state told you this was for the best and now your baby is so much worse off than before. She has been there for over six months and things have not improved at all. You just want to take her, run and hide, but you know this is no solution. You can’t take all of those children with you too. What can you do to get your child back and help the other children?

This is not the script for the latest movie of the week. This is real life and it is happening in the small town of Wheatfield, Indiana. It is happening to a middle class family with three children and a stable home. A home that has never been visited by the Department of Children and Families. The father, Stephen Herald, works for Ford Motor Company and the mother, Jennifer Herald, is a teachers aid at the local elementary school. This nightmare is theirs and they wanted to share the horror of it with all of us. Especially those who have children who are bipolar and sometimes think we just can’t take this anymore. If there is someone out there who can help, please do so. Notify your local media and see what they think about this issue. If all you can do is offer verbal support that will help too. Jennifer felt like they were all alone in this fight until she came to a DBSA meeting. She knows now that she is not alone, but it is a cold comfort. Jennifer lives in constant fear for the safety and emotional well being of her child. She prays that her child has not suffered any permanent mental or emotional damage from this ordeal. Jennifer wants only to have her daughter back and to save other parents from the horror her family has had to endure.

As always your comments are welcome here at www.dbsa.blogspot.com or at the email of DBSA of Northwest Indiana at dbsanwin@yahoo.com. You may also contact Jennifer and Stephen directly at jen_her_child@yahoo.com. (there are underscores where those spaces show.) Thank you for your interest and advice.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Homeless In Porter County

Last night I wasn't sure how the topic of the support group meeting would apply to me. Tom Isakson was with us and the topic was "Homeless in Porter County." How could I really relate to the homeless situation? I donate money to shelters, I pass on clothing and hygiene products. I have empathy for the homeless, but when I see a person with a cardboard sign asking for my money while they smoke a cigarette all I really feel is disgusted. Why don't they get a job? They are in front of McDonald's whose "help wanted" sign is clearly visible. I almost didn't attend this meeting and that would have been a tragedy because Tom Isakson opened my eyes to a side of homelessness that I had not seen. It was an enlightening experience.

I learned that the fastest growing population of homelessness in our area are families. Approximately 300 children in our area go to bed each night not knowing where they will sleep tomorrow or the next night. 150 of these children are under the age of six. There are about 750 people without a home in Porter County each year. This number continues to grow.

There are three basic types of homelessness. The first being Chronic Homelessness.
These people are often homeless for a long time. These are the people we typically think of when we hear the word "homeless." They often dress in rags, eat from dumpsters, and live in squalor. There are four primary reasons that we, as a group, were able to list for chronic homelessness.
1. Chronic Sever Mental Illness. Without medication these people are unable to get help.
2. Substance Abuse/Gambling Addiction. Gov't cuts have made it more difficult for these people to get the help they need to recover.
3. Duel Diagnosis. Both Sever Mental illness and substance addiction.
4. Post traumatic Stress Disorder. These people have suffered such trauma that they are unable to deal with life. They have no hope and no will to live. They could be war veterans, domestic violence victims, suffered the tragic death of a loved one or a child, or the collapse of their business. I can't help but wonder if this population will grow as soldiers return from Iraq as it did when our forces returned from Vietnam.

Next we have One Time Homelessness. People often bounce back from this type of homelessness. The causes for one time homelessness could effect any of us.
1. Fire
2. Divorce
3. Domestic violence/trauma
4. Natural disasters
5. Joblessness. People living paycheck to paycheck without savings.
I remember seeing a TV program once that said "we are all three paychecks away from being homeless." With that in mind, this could be any of us.

Last we have Episodic Homelessness. This is the largest growing category and the one that includes the most children.
1. Living from friend to friend, never knowing where the next bed will be.
2. May get ahead for a while and then slip, never really attaining stability.
A. Bad luck
B. Chronic illness. Off and on physical, mental, or medical disability that effects their work ability.
C. Low wages. At $5.15 an hour you need work a 107 hour week to afford the average apartment.
D. Single parenting/unpaid child support. The district attorney's office just can't keep up.
E. Life skills deficits. Usually money management issues are the biggest problem.
a. Impulsive spending. Often the result of illness such as bipolar disorder.
b. Emotional control/poor anger management. Not able to control their anger and keep a job or getting in trouble with the law for fighting.
c. Poor impulse control. Calling in sick because they feel like it or not showing up on time.
d. Poor or low education. No post graduate education or trade school. No job training.
e. Dysfunctional families. Most adults that go through the shelter had dysfunctional families. These people lived with abusive, alcoholic, or non-existent parents. The most important job of a parent is to teach a child that they are loved. This doesn't cost anything and anyone can do it. We could all work toward ending the dysfunctional family in America by simply teaching love.
The second thing we can all do is promise to be the very best friend to our friends that we can be. Ask what we can do to help in a time of loss or crisis. Don't desert them when the worst appears to be over. Hang in there and be a friend for the long haul.

Tom has some definite thoughts about what America needs to do to help stop homelessness. Raising the minimum wage to make it a wage that people could actually live on. Employers need to stop hiring part-time workers that they don't have to pay benefits to. Welfare is the only gov't fund that has not seen a cost of living increase since 1985. More and more jobs are done by robots and computers or outsourced.

Homelessness is increasing by 5% a year in Porter County alone. The Spring Valley Shelter (a shelter for families) is only able to provide shelter to about 12% of those who ask for help due to their small size. The only other gov't owned housing in Porter County is the Hospital and the County Jail.

Christian Community Action is trying to raise $1,750,000.00 to build and support a bigger shelter. This campaign is called "Raise A Roof." If you can help with a tax deductible contribution please contact the CCA at ccaopc@netnitco.net or by phone at 219-548-2379.
The shelter could also use contributions of clothing, food, toys, books, bedding items, and volunteers. If you can help contact Tom Isakson, Program Director, at springva@netnitco.net or call 219-465-1022. The CCA motto is Housing for today. Hope for tomorrow. Remember that every little bit helps.

Suicide: A New Addiction

It may seem hard to believe and for some it is very difficult to discuss. It is however true. There seems to be a new mental health phenomenon. Suicide for the overwhelming thrill it can give to take life to the edge of death and live to tell about it. Many leave behind loved ones to tell their story and struggle to understand the obsession. It is mostly young women who are suffering from this "addiction to suicide".

Most of these young woman suffer from depression, bipolar disorder or some other form of a mood disorder. Some are just attention seeking in the most desperate way possible. Like cutting, which has reached epic proportions among young women, suicide is a way to ease the pain that life often brings. For the parents who may not be familiar with the term "cutting," it is when a person inflects pain on themselves by cutting into their skin with almost anything you can think of. It can also be burning oneself with a cigarette or other ways of torture, that we can't even imagine. Teens tell me that "cutting" relieves their pain or enables them to feel pain. It also puts them in control of the pain they feel. Most say they do it in private and are careful to mark places others won't see. The attention seekers often cut where you can see and want you to take notice.

Unlike males that often seek far more successful means of suicide such as guns, knives, and hanging, these females often choose less drastic forms of suicide. It is not that they are not serious, but that the thrill is getting as close as they can without crossing that limit. Taking just enough pills and then calling 911 for help. Remembering at the last second that they promised to call their therapist before attempting suicide again and making that call. Some do succeed and then the thrill ends their life. It is a very high price to pay for the rush of death.

This is a day and age where everything is "now" and "want." We no longer need things or wait for them. Death is no different. These young people have tried all the risk taking they can think of. The thrill is just no longer achievable. There aren't any more cries for attention that have not been tried, heard, and ignored. Now there is only the rush of suicide.

We can't ignore this desire to die because often they do succeed. We should never, not take a suicide threat seriously because you only get one chance to make a mistake. The price you pay is the life of someone you love. If you know someone who mentions suicide as a thought they have entertained, talk about it and help them to get the professional help they need. It may be an uncomfortable conversation. Discussing it does not make it more likely to happen, but not talking about it can.

Friday, July 09, 2004

We can now Build a Better Brain

Dr.Mary Zemansky spoke to the support group in Valparaiso on Wednesday evening. It was wonderful to have such a knowledgeable speaker join us. She spoke on Cognitive Rehabilitation. This is extremely important for not only those who have suffered a traumatic brain injury, but also those who are aging or whose medications have caused some cognitive dulling. You can teach an old brain new tricks or at least make it better able to recall the ones you have already taught it.

Dr.Zemansky spoke about retraining attention which consists of four basic steps. Orientation- remembering simple things like your name, age, date.
Selective attention- blocking out stimuli
Alternating attention- multitasking
Divided attention- doing 2 or more things at once. This is the one that your brain has to train the most for.
Rote Practice is the best way to accomplish these things. That is what we learned in third grade...repeat and review until you have it down. Your brain has to practice to get better at remembering. Keeping your brain active is the best training. Reading, word searches, crossword puzzles, and games are all great for keeping your brain healthy. The older we get the longer it will take to learn things and sometimes to remember them, but practice and patience will prevail.


Thursday, July 01, 2004

Building a Better Brain. Wednesday July 7th 6pm Porter-Starke

The next meeting of the DBSA of Northwest Indiana will be a speaker meeting. Dr. Mary Zemansky will be joining us to discuss how to better organize the compartments of the brain. It should be a beneficial discussion for anyone that needs a little more memory and a better functioning brain. I can't imagine anyone who couldn't benefit from that.

Dr.Zemansky is in practice with Dr. Robert Walsh in Chesterton at Comprehensive Psychology Services, PC. She also lectures at Ivy Tech. It will be an informative and educational discussion and I hope you will join us. If you are unable to attend you will find a summary of the lecture on DBSA blogspot the next day.

Please don't forget to join us for the lively discussion group for Teens and Young Adults on the second and fourth Tuesday's of the month. Encourage the young people in your life to join us, even if they don't suffer from depression or bipolar disorder, it is a chance to get together with others and talk about what is important to them.

I would be remiss if I also didn't remind you to join the group in Merrillville on July 12 and 26 for their regular discussion meetings.

Keep and eye on this site for an interesting article about people who are addicted to suicide. It is in the works and should be here in the next few days. See you at a meeting.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Teen/Young Adult Group To Meet Tuesday.

There will be a meeting of the newly formed Teen/Young Adult Support group at Porter-Starke, Valparaiso on Tuesday June 22 at 6pm. I hope if you are a teen or young adult you will join us there to share your experiences. You can help others while you help yourself.

Friday, June 11, 2004

The Caring Place- Caring For Battered Women and Men

Mary Beth Shultz of The Caring Place was our guest speaker on June 2nd.

The Caring Place is a shelter that offers housing, advocacy and counseling for those who have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused. They serve Porter, Lake, and Starke counties in NW Indiana. They are also involved in training Police officers to be more sensitive to the crimes of domestic violence and sexual assault. Ms. Shultz shared some startling facts with us. 60% of all the woman killed in the US are killed by men who tell them that they love them. 30% of battered women have been raped by their partner. 75% of abused women report their children have been physically or sexually abused by their batterer. Children raised in violent homes often grow up to be abused or be abusers themselves.

Not all abuse is physical. Emotional abuse can involve playing "mind games", making the victim think they are crazy, humiliating them, promoting feelings of guilt, isolating them from friends and family, controlling all money and transportation, and threatening them with having their children taken away. Verbal abuse can be just as devastating. Name calling and verbal threats can hurt as much or more than the physical assaults. The one thing all these forms of abuse have in common is that they are all about CONTROL. One person trying to exert their physical, mental, or emotional control over another.

There are three distinct phases of abuse.
Phase One: Increased tension, anger, blaming, arguing, name calling, and guilt.
Phase Two: Battering, hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects or weapons, sexual assault/abuse, verbal threats and mental abuse.
Phase Three: Calm stage, apologies, gifts, tears, and promises that things will change.

The Caring Place is notified in each case of suspected domestic or sexual abuse. They contact the victim within 24 hours to offer support and assistance. The Caring Place will provide shelter, legal assistance, group and individual support and counseling. There is no charge for any of these services. You can stay at the caring place and they will help the victim attain a job, a new residence, and a life free of abuse.

Many women stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid they can't make it on their own, but most women do very well once they are out of the shadow of abuse. Abusers can be anywhere. They can be professionals, white or blue collar workers from any race, ethnic background or financial bracket.

The bottom line is NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. The Caring Place can help. They won't tell you what to do or make decisions for you, but they will give you options and support. If you need help call the 24-hour Crisis Line.
(219)464-2128
1-800-933-0466
for any other counties in Indiana call:
1-800-332-7385

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Teen/Young Adult Group To Hold First Meeting.

We hope we will see you on Tuesday June, 8th if you are somewhere between eleven and twenty something for our new Teen/Young Adult support group. We are really excited to finally be offering this group after talking about it for so long. Join us at Porter-Starke Services in Valparaiso at 6pm, 601 Wall St.

Monday, May 31, 2004

DBSA Meeting Reminder Wed. June 2nd. 6pm

Join us on Wednesday at 6pm at Porter-Starke Services in Valparaiso. We will have Mary Beth Schultz as our guest speaker. She is an expert on domestic viloence and will provide information on that subject. Ms.Schultz will answer questions after the discussion and there will also be a group discussion.

Teen/Young Adult Group to meet Tuesday June 8th.

We are very excited to announce this all new group. If you are between the ages of 11 and twenty-something we hope you will join us for this discussion group. It will begin at 6pm at Porter-Starke Services, 601 Wall St.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

In Memory of Mallory 12/20/90 to 5/20/04

She was too young to die, but during her short life she touched so many people. Mallory was a ray of sunshine on a stormy day. Hundreds of people filled the church to overflowing to say goodbye to a girl who was taken from this world far too soon. Many of these mourners were teenagers and some were younger, as Mallory had left behind a younger sister, and an older sister and brother. How do so many teenagers understand something like death? When you are a teenager you believe you are invincible, that nothing can touch you. It is devastating to discover that this is not true. When a teen loses a loved one they suffer intensely. As adults we often disregard their intense feelings because we are dealing with the loss ourselves or we think they will recover sooner since they are young and resilient. We have taught them to suppress their anger. They know it is okay to feel sadness, but anger will not benefit anyone. This is not true. They need to express their anger. They have been abandoned by someone they love. That is painful,it is not fair and it makes them angry. It is one of the most natural responses to the loss they are feeling. We need to reassure them, that as adults we are there for them. We will not judge their anger or their fear. The fear of being left behind or the fear of also being taken before their time.

Grief is a very unique to each of us, but for adolescents it is complex, often beyond their realm of understanding. They may push us away when we try to help them and thinking that solitude is what they need we will let them. We often have the misconception that because they look like adults now, that they think like adults.
They may exhibit stages of shock and disbelief. If they don't think about it maybe it won't hurt so much. They can function as if life is going on as usual when they are actually feeling numb and as yet unaware of the pain. This stage often lasts for the first few weeks after the event. They often cry, ache, don't sleep, have a difficult time making decisions, may yell and fight with family and friends and may fluctuate between denial and anger.

During the next stage of the grieving process the numbness has ended and the guilt, depression, hopelessness, anger, and increased sensitivity occur. This could begin a few weeks after the death and continue for months.

Guilt is a natural process. All adolescents have disagreements with friends and family, but when a death occurs the teen will take guilt and responsibility for the tragedy. "If only I had told her I loved her more," "If only I had driven instead of him." These are normal feelings for everyone, but are often more intense for teens. Thoughts of suicide are also common during this stage. As parents we have to be willing to listen without judgment or panic. We hear that our child doesn't want to live and we panic, get angry or frightened and often don't let them express their feelings. When what we really need to do is listen. You can't fix this pain for them and they are entitled to it. It is normal to think of escaping the pain or joining the person they loved. Often when you share that you have felt this way too and it is all part of the grief process it is reassuring to them. Do be aware of the true signs of suicide. If they have a plan on how they would end their own life, seek professional help immediately. This is not a time to wait and see if they feel better in a day or two. Call a suicide hotline or go directly to your nearest emergency room. It is better to be safe than sorry.

During the next few months, 3-6 months after the death, you may find your teen trying to pretend as if nothing happened. They may tell you they don't want to talk about it anymore. They may gain or loss weight and try to change their location or lifestyle in order to get out of the surroundings that remind them so much of what they wish had never occured. It is a temporary solution to a permanet problem. This is the stage where a true depression can set in and they begin to feel like they will never stop grieving. Know the signs and seek help if you feel medication may be needed temporarily. To admit you need help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.

Time does heal all wounds or at least lessen them so we can tolerate them. It could take up to two years. For some, more and others less. A good support network can help shorten the process for some and professional counseling for others. You will see your teen emerge again from the grief and sorrow that has been a constant companion for so long. They could feel hopeful and optimistic. Ready to move on, but never forget. There will still be times when the grief will resurface, birthdays, anniversary's of the death, and joyous occasions that their loved one can't share and will never experience. It will be cleansing for all of you to talk about your feelings openly and honestly. It is good to cry together and laugh together while sharing memories.

As I said earlier, grief is different for everyone. We must help each other through it and hopefully we will all emerge on the other side closer and more bonded than ever. Don't let your teen or child grieve alone. Don't hide your grief from them and tell them they need to be strong for each other. They need to love and support each other, share and be honest with each other and hopefully move forward together hand in hand.

In closing, Mallory, you will never be forgotten and in time hopefully your family and friends will be able to accept and cope with their loss, even though they may never really understand it. Please help guide them through this process and help them remember your beautiful spirit that was the true essence of life.

Monday, May 24, 2004

New Group to meet 2nd and 4th Tuesdays

I am proud to announce the formation of an additional support group in Porter county. After much discussion, for many years, we have finally done it. This group will be a peer to peer group to support teens and young adults. We still want them to attend the Wednesday meetings in Valparaiso and the Monday meetings in Merrillville because we need them there to set us straight on how things really are for them. Those meetings will still be open to the public and include everyone from families with children to adults and caregivers. The new group is of course open to the public also, but we will be discussing things that are relevant to teens and young adults. We also want to include the bipolar/mood disorder adolescent, beginning at age 10, because as we all know, they are already wise beyond their years. We want young people to feel free to discuss what is important to them and to meet others that have similar problems. We will look forward to seeing you there. Please tell your friends and families about this group. Help spread the word.

See you on June 8th for our first meeting.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Hospitalization: What You Should Know Before You Go.

Last night at the DBSA meeting the group had a varied discussion on hospitalization. It is not something any of us want to think about for ourselves, but is even harder when we must consider it for our children. Sometimes it is the only answer and a far better one than looking the other way. Children I know of as young as five have attempted suicide. With teens, the numbers are skyrocketing. It is not unusual for a bipolar child or teen to be hospitalized and parents should expect this and try to be prepared. I know it is not something we really want to prepare for, but if your child had cancer you would check out the hospitals to be sure your child got the best care possible. When dealing with a mental facility this is even more important. They are not all created equally. If you have health insurance, you may not have a choice of which facility to use. Be sure to call your mental health plan administrator and take notes. In a time of crisis you will probably not be able to think straight, let alone make all the calls and decisions. Some of the things to ask about if you do call or visit a unit are:

How many registered nurses are on a unit. There should be more than one, and more nurses than psych technicians and aids.

Ask about involuntary administration of medication, seclusion and restraints. These should only be used as a last resort or not at all.

Find out how often you will be able to see and speak to your child. Often a children's unit will only let you visit on certain days and times. They often want the child to have as little contact with the parents as possible because they feel the parent is the child's main problem. This is extremely important if your child is very young or if they have separation issues.

Find out what happens when your child is released. Is there a support group for your child and for you? Do they offer parenting classes? Will your child require special aftercare such as a half day program for a while?

It will never be easy to put your child in a hospital even if you think it would be a real relief for a little while. The more you know and the more prepared you are the easier it will be to deal with.

Pack a bag to take with the child. Be sure to include a stuffed animal for them to sleep with. Usually with clothing they want you to send two of everything and label it all with your child's name. Leave everything else at home. The hospital will check the bag and you will have to sign off on the contents. If the child is allowed any other items, like a favorite quilt or music, the staff will advise you and you can bring it when you visit. Be sure before you leave you know what number to call to check on your child and who you would contact with a complaint or problem. Hopefully you won't have any problems, but it is good to be prepared.

The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. Try to find a support group for yourself.
Meeting Reminder

Next meeting will be in Merrillville on May 24th.

In Merrillville the group meets at 7pm at Methodist Hospital's Southlake Campus.

Last night was our meeting in Valparaiso. It was a good group with a lively discussion. There was interest conveyed in a group for the younger consumers. I think beginning just before the teen years and continuing into adulthood. I am proposing the second and fourth Tuesday of the month at Porter-Starke. I would love to have the teens be instrumental in setting up this group. I also want them to feel free to discuss whatever is on their minds in an open setting of their peers. Everything they say in that room will remain confidential. Many of us wish there had been a group like this when we were teenagers. I hope all the teens will spread the word and this can become a group you will enjoy spending time at. Keep an eye on this site for further information.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Next DBSA meeting will be in Valparaiso on Wednesday May 19th 6-8pm

This meeting will be at Porter-Starke Services at 601 Wall St. It will be a rap session where anyone who wants to share is given a chance to. We always learn so much at these meetings and can ask questions of those who have been there. We hope to see you there.

With summer almost here and so many kids home from college for the summer we at DBSA NWIN were wondering if there was a need and an interest in a separate support group for the younger consumers. Teens to young adult. At the present group everyone is welcome and we do have a wide variation of ages. Let's face it though, teens are a group unto themselves. If they are bipolar or suffer depression they have questions and situations all of there own that they would like information on. Such as dating, school, life after school, suicide, meds and their effects on your body. I am sure many teens and young adults think they are alone in this illness, but it is amazing how many others there are out there with the same problems, just no one to share them with. So if you are a teen or know a teen that you think would be interested, let us know at DBSA NWIN and we will get started on a group just for you. You can contact us directly by clicking on the link to the National DBSAlliance and go to Indiana support groups, you will see us there. Also feel free to click on comments under this entry and tell us what you think of this idea. It is confidential so don't be afraid to be honest. We hope to hear from you and see you on Wednesday the 19th.

Monday, May 10, 2004

Merrillville Meeting Reminder

Monday May 10th at 7pm DBSA will be holding their meeting at the Methodist Hospitals Southlake Campus. This will be a discussion meeting and we hope you can all attend.

You will notice that this site has changed it's look a little. The parent blogger has offered some updated looks and options. There will be a place now to add comments. Please feel free to do so. If there is something you would like to see more information about or if you would like to give some input just click on comments and type away.

As for what is new at DBSA NW Indiana we are hoping to send two members to the National DBSA conference held in Pittsburgh, PA in August. We will be trying to plan some fund raisers to help get them there. Of course, I will keep you posted on that.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

DBSA Meeting Update

I was planning to log on this morning and tell you all about the wonderful speaker meeting I attended last night, but that will not be the case. Pam Arnold, our scheduled speaker, had car trouble and was unable to make it to the meeting. I think that is the first time we have ever had a speaker cancel at the last minute. We will try to have her come again when she gets a new car.

We had a great meeting even though it was without a speaker. We had some people that were relatively new to the support group. They were such a pleasure to meet. They have a foster child who is a young teen and is bipolar. Most of us know or have heard about the difficulties of raising a teenager, but to raise a bipolar teen that you did not have from day one. This wonderful couple is to be commended. We enjoyed meeting them and sharing our knowledge and experiences with them.

Although we always love our children there are times when we don't really like them. You all know the days I am talking about. When you have heard "I hate you" so many times you are starting to believe it. Those days when the siblings have taken so much abuse that you just want to sit down and cry with them. Sometimes those days come too often and then suddenly there appears that child you know and love. At that moment, when they are once again telling you how much they love you and how sorry they are you know it is all worthwhile. You wouldn't trade that child, with all those problems, for anything in the world. Those are the moments that we need to hold on to and remember.

Our children can not control being bipolar anymore than they could control having cancer. If you are not bipolar and did not pass this disorder on to your child you are lucky in some ways, but out of the loop in others. I have heard from so many people that it is really hard to understand this disorder if you haven't been there. You can try to imagine,but you will probably always fall short. Just know that compassion and understanding are the most important things you can offer. Be there and be a parent, make the rules and stick by them no matter how much you want to give in. Provide that consistency that bipolar kids need so desperately. Take time to try and be a "normal" family. That is all any of us really want anyway, isn't it? Enjoy the time you have with your child because like cancer, mental illness can take your child from you at anytime. Love them now, in all there beauty and ugliness, because you never want to say "If only I would have been a better parent." Step up and be a better parent now. Learn about the disorder your child has and how you can help. Let them know that you accept them as they are and love them flaws and all.




Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Meeting Reminder

DBSA Speaker Meeting Wednesday May 5,2004

601 Wall St. Valparaiso, IN

Pam Arnold will be our guest speaker. Her topic will be the Importance of Communication. I hope you all will be able to join us at the meeting, but I know sometimes it is impossible with kids and other commitments. I will be posting the notes from Pam Arnold's discussion on Thursday so you can read what you missed.

Mark your calender for the meeting on May 19th. This will be our usual rap session. This is always a lively discussion about family, medications and general health issues. It is a time for us all to get the support we need and to share our knowledge to help others know that they are not alone.

Be sure to join the group in Merrilllville on May 10th and 24th. The Monday night meetings there are from 7-9pm.

Methodist Hospital Southlake Campus

8701 Broadway

I realize there are a lot of parents in the Crown Point area that would like to have more discussion and information available on bipolar children at the Merrillville meetings. If you come to those meetings please convey that interest and we will continue to provide more support for the parents there. It is a great oppertunity to meet eachother and discuss the school situations and parenting issues. It is also a chance to make a connection with others in your area. Parents with a child just like yours that you didn't know was your neighbor.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

Children's Mental Health Week
May 2-8, 2004

This week long observance was began in 1997 to promote awareness of Mental Health issues in children and adolescents. It is sponsored by the Federation of Families for Children's Mental Health, a national, family-run organization dedicated to helping children with mental health needs and their families achieve a better quality of life.

Most Mental Health problems in children and adolescents are either biological or environmental. Biological causes could be genetics, chemical imbalances, or damage to the central nervous system.
Environmental factors could include exposure to high levels of lead, being a victim of or witness to violence, such as physical or sexual abuse, extreme stress caused by chronic poverty, witnessing drug abuse, or the loss of a loved one due to divorce,death, or broken relationships.

On May 4th of this week we recognize Childhood Depression Awareness Day. If you were ever depressed as a child or adolescent or are a parent of such a child then you realize what a real and treatable problem childhood depression is. Make an effort on May 4th to share that information with someone who may not be aware. Someone who says "What does a child have to be depressed about?" I am sure you all know someone like that. Go to your child's school and ask their teacher to speak to the students about depression and suicide or to let you speak to them. No one wants to be a parent or teacher who realizes too late that maybe they could have made a difference. It is never too early to begin discussing suicide. Let children know they are not alone in these thoughts and there is help.

There are usually definite signs and symptoms of depression in children and adolescents. They include, but are not limited to, school absences, poor school performance or a disregard for quality of lessons, loss of interest in normal activities, changes in eating or sleeping habits; not eating or eating too much and often sleeping for long periods without feeling rested, aches and pains without physical reasons, substance abuse, withdrawal or change in peer relationships and thoughts about death or suicide. Children are at a greater risk of suffering from depression or other mental disorders if there is a family history of depression, substance abuse, or other mental disorders. Depression in children is a real and serious illness. It should not be disregarded as a "phase that will pass," it is treatable once diagnosed, but it can become worse and lead to suicide if left untreated. Support from family members, peers, teachers and health care providers is important. For this to occur, awareness that Childhood Depression is a real and common illness must take place. Don't let it be disregarded as a phase.

If you are a parent, teacher, coach, or caregiver you should learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression. Take the time to learn about other mental disorders, such as bipolar disorder, ADHD, opositional defiant disorder and anxiety disorder. These are all treatable illnesses that affect children. Know where you can go to get the help you need. The yellow pages, mental health hotlines, your health insurance provider, and the internet are a few places to begin. Don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from helping and possibly saving the life of a child. In addition, family members may find it helpful to join a local support group for additional assistance and support. Log on to dbsalliance.org for information on a support group in your area.

Friday, April 30, 2004

What is Bipolar Disorder?

Most of you who are visiting this site probably have a good idea what it is like to be bipolar or love someone who is. For those of you who just happened along by chance let me tell you about a mental disorder that is far more prevalent than you could ever imagine. Bipolar disorder also known as Manic Depression affects over 2million adults in the United States. What is more startling is that up to 3.4 million children and adolescents in the United States have this disorder. There is a good chance that you know several people who suffer with bipolar disorder and you have never noticed. That's because once treated with the proper medication these people can go on to lead a normal life that is relatively free of symptoms. The important part is being diagnosed and receiving the correct medication, which can be the most difficult part. Bipolar disorder is not simply depression, nor is it simply the extreme, energetic highs, but a combination of the two. In children it often presents differently and for that reason is often misdiagnosed or undiagnosed. Children can begin showing signs of the disorder as early as age two. Some common signs to watch out for are:

Irritable and dysphoric mood.
Mood shifts throughout the day.
Nightmares and night terrors.
Excessive worry/anxiety
Grandiose thinking, believing they can do anything, even fly.
Heightened sensitivity to sensory stimuli, tags in clothes, feel of fabric, sock nubbies.
Physical aggression, often without provocation.
Excessively talkative, pressured speach
Periods of increased energy, often accompanied by insomnia
Lower frustration tolerance and impatience
Deliberate destruction of property.

You may be saying to yourself, my child has several of these symptoms but our doctor said he/she was ADHD. 91%of bipolar children under the age of 12 will meet the criteria for ADHD and they could have ADHD at the same time. This is what is called a comorbid diagnosis. The difference with bipolar disorder is it is episodic in nature. Your child could be fine one minute and the next fly into a rage over the brand of orange juice you bought. Diagnoses and treatment are extremely important in children. Episodes tend to worsen in children without proper treatment. School can become a nightmare and suicide is a real possibility. When bipolar disorder is undiagnosed and treated as ADHD only the medication can cause a child to enter a manic state. I can't stress the importance of finding someone who will properly diagnose your child and put them on the proper medication. The National DBSA website can help you find a qualified physician in your area.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

DBSA Meeting Schedule is as follows:



Porter-Starke Services, Inc.
601 Wall Street. Valparaiso, IN

1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month.
6:00-8:00pm

The first meeting of the month is a speaker meeting. The speaker for the May 5th meeting will be Pam Arnold and she will be speaking on Importance of Communication This should be an informative and educational meeting.

The second meeting of the month is always an open discussion meeting. This is where you have the chance to connect with other people just like you who have been there.

We also meet in Merrillville,IN at the Methodist Hospitals Southlake Campus
8701 Broadway Merrillville, IN
7:00-9:00pm
2nd and 4th Monday of each month.

For more information on these meetings or ones closer to you, please visit the National DBSA Website


Welcome to the DBSA blogspot. We are located in Northwest Indiana and are affiliated with the National Depressed and Bipolar Support Alliance. This site will offer up to date information on Bipolar disorder in adults and children. It will also display scheduled meetings and speakers in the NW Indiana area along with links to other support groups throughout the United States.