Protect Your Custodial Rights

Imagine that your child was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD at the age of five. Okay, for some of us this isn’t a real stretch of the imagination. You do what we have all done and learn all that you possibly can about these disorders and how to best deal with them. You search for a doctor that will take children and you try the medicines that he suggests. Some of those medicines make your child so sick that it breaks your heart. You keep plugging on for a few years changing medicines every few months due to side effects or because they aren’t really working. You try not to read the inserts that come in those samples the psychiatrist gives you to try on your child. If you do read them you are so scared to death that you are going to poison your child trying to make her better. Some meds seem to work for a little while and then your child wakes up one day totally out of control. Now what? The psychiatrist sends her to the hospital because it will be easier and safer to adjust the meds there. All you really know is that your 10 year-old child is so out of control you don’t know how to handle her. She is aggressive, violent, irritable or depressed. Then you find her in her room cutting into her skin, begging you to let her die. This is your 10 year old without the correct medication. What is this horrible, devastating illness and how are you going to get the upper hand? Where did your child get this and will it ever go away, but most important what can you do to keep her alive and to keep your younger children safe?

Your psychiatrist must know best, so you take your child to a reputable hospital where you pray she will get the care and the medication she needs. When you go to the hospital to pick up your child and they tell you that they have done what they can. They give you a pamphlet and suggest that you should consider a Residential Treatment Center to place your child in for a few months. Just until the medication is fully on board and she has learned some coping skills. It sounds terrifying at this moment to let your 10 year old move to a full time hospital. The doctors convince you that you will have a chance to deal with the trauma of knowing things may never get any better than this. Your child is mentally ill and you both need to learn how to handle this and develop coping skills.

You read the literature the hospital gave you. This Residential Treatment Center sounds like a fabulous place. When you talk to the admission department at the treatment center they all seem so nice and convince you that they can help your child. They give you unwritten assurances that when she comes back to you she will once again be the sweet little child that you remember from before this hell all began.

It all sounds like a good plan. Thank God there is someone who believes they can help your child and they are willing to begin treatment immediately. Wait…this is not a perfect world, so of course there is a draw back. It is cost prohibitive. A term we are all so familiar with. In the world of mental illness you are actually better off if you are receiving Federal Aid. If you have a good job and health insurance you have a very limited amount of time your child can spend in a hospital let alone a Residential Treatment Facility. This facility is telling you that they can help your child and like any parent you would do anything that would help you get your child back to “normal.” It costs $10,000.00 a month. That seems like an outrageous amount of money so this place must be the best. Even the name sounds reassuring. You know you have to help your child now or she might not live to see 11.

There is a way…you could relinquish your custodial rights, just for a little while. The state will let you do this and they will pay for your child to go to this fabulous treatment center. You are told that lots of parents, just like you, are forced to do this to be able to give their child the care that they truly need. You are reassured that when your child is well again you won’t have any trouble getting your custodial rights reinstated and your child will be back home and healthy.

Again this isn’t a perfect world so there must be a catch, but what could it be? You are a parent and you can handle anything as long as you know that your child is safe from suicide and learning to deal with her illness. Even letting her live in this state of the art center surrounded by doctors, nurses and aids that know all about mental illness and how to best care for your child during this time of severe illness.

This is where the nightmare begins…you feel the fabulous Residential Treatment Center with the serene name is Hell on Earth. You come to visit your child and she has bruises on her neck. A male psych tech chose to restrain her physically resulting in the bruises. In another instance she is in need of medical attention that is not provided. Her mental health is not improving, but she is learning some horrible habits. She has a new vocabulary that you would only hear from a group of sailors. You can not believe that you were so wrong about all of this. Why has this situation changed so dramatically from what was represented when the option was presented? Who is responsible for oversight and what is being done? Do any of them really know what goes on at this treatment center? How could they and let it take place? This is really insane.

What can you do to get your child out of this place? You have to let people know what you think is going on here. You call an attorney and he agrees to help. You file all the right motions, and you think people would want to hear about the abuse you feel that your child and other children could be experiencing. They should want to help you and your child. No body could even imagine the possibility of a child being mistreated and let any facility get away with it. You believe in justice and fairness. You tell them to please give your child back and you will take care of her and spend every dime you have to take care of her medical needs. The state told you this was for the best and now your baby is so much worse off than before. She has been there for over six months and things have not improved at all. You just want to take her, run and hide, but you know this is no solution. You can’t take all of those children with you too. What can you do to get your child back and help the other children?

This is not the script for the latest movie of the week. This is real life and it is happening in the small town of Wheatfield, Indiana. It is happening to a middle class family with three children and a stable home. A home that has never been visited by the Department of Children and Families. The father, Stephen Herald, works for Ford Motor Company and the mother, Jennifer Herald, is a teachers aid at the local elementary school. This nightmare is theirs and they wanted to share the horror of it with all of us. Especially those who have children who are bipolar and sometimes think we just can’t take this anymore. If there is someone out there who can help, please do so. Notify your local media and see what they think about this issue. If all you can do is offer verbal support that will help too. Jennifer felt like they were all alone in this fight until she came to a DBSA meeting. She knows now that she is not alone, but it is a cold comfort. Jennifer lives in constant fear for the safety and emotional well being of her child. She prays that her child has not suffered any permanent mental or emotional damage from this ordeal. Jennifer wants only to have her daughter back and to save other parents from the horror her family has had to endure.

As always your comments are welcome here at www.dbsa.blogspot.com or at the email of DBSA of Northwest Indiana at dbsanwin@yahoo.com. You may also contact Jennifer and Stephen directly at jen_her_child@yahoo.com. (there are underscores where those spaces show.) Thank you for your interest and advice.