On Wednesday September 1st. I hope you will join us for a fabulous and informative speaker presentation. Michaeline Florek, Coordinator of Services for Students with Disabilities at Purdue Calumet, will be joining us. She will speak to us about Furthering Education with Depression, Mental, or Physical Limitations. She will tell us what accommodations are available at the college level and how to get the assistance you need. She will also discuss the issues involving children of all ages and answer questions about how to get the appropriate education plan for your child or yourself.
We feel so honored to have Michaeline join us. We are expecting a large turn-out for this discussion. In anticipation of such, Porter-Starke Services has generously donated the use of their auditorium and will provide us with refreshments. The space is directly across from our general meeting space at 601 Wall St. Close enough to park there and walk across the street. Staff will be present to point out the direction. I hope we will see you there. 6:00pm 701 Wall St. in the gym.
Don't forget to tune into Dateline NBC or set your recorder. Jane Pauley lived and thrived in the public eye with bipolar disorder. She is successful, famous, and bipolar. You can have it all. For more information and local schedule log on to www.msnbc.msn.com .
We have publicized that Jodi James of Purdue North Central would be speaking to us about depression and furthering education. We are sorry to report that Ms. James was injured in an accident and is unable to join us at this time. We will reschedule at a later date and wish Jodi a speedy recovery.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Stressed Out Kids: Part 2
Thank you for your comments to this site and to the email. I am glad to see that so many parents are worried about the welfare of their children. For those of you that were not sure if you should be concerned, keep in mind that all children are individuals and we should never think that what is right for one child will be right for all children. Not all kids are effected or overwhelmed by their schedules. Some kids can handle the constant motion of their full lives. I have one son that would be happy to be on the go all week to different activities, but the other would be overwhelmed by just a few extra curricular activities. As I have stated, all children are different and they all handle stress in their own way. Often it is a learned process, so take a serious look at yourself. Being in tune to your child is the most helpful thing you can do. Ask your child if they are feeling overwhelmed. Give them the right to take a personal day from a scheduled practice if they need to. In my family we have a rule that each family member has three personal days during the school year. It can't be used to get out of a test, or something they don't want to do, but it can be used as a mental health day. If one of us is feeling overwhelmed we know we need to take a break before we break.
Even the smallest of children can be overwhelmed by their day to day life. A preschooler can become warn down by the constant changes of child care and parents that are stressed out when they are with them. Children this small can't tell you how they feel, but they can show you by being cranky, crying a lot, and loss of appetite. Grade school kids can show they are overwhelmed in different ways also. They too can be irritable, suffer from headaches, begin getting in trouble at school, or suffer from insomnia because their minds can't stop thinking of all the things they need to accomplish. Keep in mind that the lack of need for sleep can be a sign of a more serious problem. If your child is showing signs of irritability, tendency toward rage, rapid speech, and mood swings these could be the signs of a mood disorder and you should contact a licensed therapist for an evaluation.
First and foremost what kind of role model do you make for your child? Does your child see you stressed out most of the time? Do your children witness, on a regular basis, you and your spouse arguing over who had the roughest day? Do either of you demonstrate what it looks like to relax? If you answered yes to the first two questions and no to the third, you are not alone, but things need to change. How will your child learn to relax if they never see you do it. You are the biggest role model that they have. It is an awesome responsibility so don't take it lightly. Many kids, when asked, say how their parents deal with stress in the family and how they pass that stress on to them is the biggest affecter of their own stress level. While parents thought their kids extra curricular activities and pressure to achieve were most stressful to them. Schools, even at the elementary level, are instituting stress management programs, but the changes need to begin at home.
When you come home, take the time to ask your child about their day, not complain about your own day. Then, actually sit and listen to what your child is saying. Don't sort through the mail or work on dinner, just pay attention to your child and let them know that they matter. You are their rock. If you don't have the answers and strength to help them, who does? Leave the work and worry outside the door. Bringing it home isn't fair to your family or yourself. I realize that today to be at the top you have to work twice as hard, but I have seen what this can do to families. Is it really worth it? Your children won't love you any less if you spend quality time with them instead of buying things to occupy them. Isolation increases stress. A child can not destress in front of the TV or video game alone. This simply creates over stimulation which can cause more stress. Even if it does keep them out of your hair for a while.
We all need to make an effort to bring back the family dinner. That means to turn off the TV and talk to each other. Make a habit of going around the table and having each person tell one good thing about their day. No complaining, just good things. Go for a walk together before dinner or after. Agree to play one game of Uno or Rummy after the table is cleared, three times a week. You will see your child help clear the table, on those nights, without having to ask. Some nights I am so overwhelmed that I know I will be up all night if I don't get the kids to bed and get busy, but I force myself to take a few deep breaths, pick up the book we are all reading together, and read to them for fifteen to thirty minutes. They are well beyond the ages of reading to themselves, but when studied, children that were read to into the teen years had a much closer relationship with their parents. When they begin to bulk at reading with you start a book club together and set aside some time each week to discuss the book you have chosen. This will also give you a chance to see what interest your child. Take turns picking the books and don't complain when it is their turn. Learn a relaxing technic together. The elementary years are a good time for a child to learn to "breath" through their anger. Breath slowly will counting to 10 before you respond to them or ask them a second time to do something. Yoga is great for relaxing and it does increase flexiblity and strength. It is really catching on with today's teens.
Rome wasn't built in a day and change is never easy. If you have never even wondered if your child is over scheduled and stressed out, begin slowly to make changes. Let them choose what is really important to them and teach them that it is okay to say "no." They don't have to be on the soccer team just because they are great at it. They should be there if they enjoy it. I am not saying that you shouldn't insist a child stick with a sport once they begin it, but know them well enough to see if they are doing it for you or because they really enjoy it. If your child or teen is overwhelmed with school work give them a chance to simplify their life. Teach them now to prioritize, and make a to-do list. You will never be sorry. Have a big calendar or two hanging around and have everyone put their activities in an individual color. This makes it easier to see who should be where and when. Practice your own organizational skills so you can teach by example, or better yet, learn together.
Being a parent has never been easy, but I feel it is only getting harder. Take some time to simplify your own life. Make a list of what is really important and what you can live without. Hopefully your family will be at the top of the important list. Now make a conscious effort to make them a priority. Let your kids know that you love them everyday and support them in the decisions they make. If you respect them, they are far more likely to confide in you when they need advice.
Believe me, I don't have all the answers. Some of these things will work and some won't. You just have to find the time and energy to try, and our kids are worth that. Keep an eye on your teen and if they are overwhelmed don't brush it aside. Teen suicide is rising everyday and it is so much easier to see the problems in the hindsight, but no parent wants to realize they could have helped their child after it is too late. Know the signs of teen depression and suicide. Log on to Yellowribbon.org and get help even if you suspect they need it.
Even the smallest of children can be overwhelmed by their day to day life. A preschooler can become warn down by the constant changes of child care and parents that are stressed out when they are with them. Children this small can't tell you how they feel, but they can show you by being cranky, crying a lot, and loss of appetite. Grade school kids can show they are overwhelmed in different ways also. They too can be irritable, suffer from headaches, begin getting in trouble at school, or suffer from insomnia because their minds can't stop thinking of all the things they need to accomplish. Keep in mind that the lack of need for sleep can be a sign of a more serious problem. If your child is showing signs of irritability, tendency toward rage, rapid speech, and mood swings these could be the signs of a mood disorder and you should contact a licensed therapist for an evaluation.
First and foremost what kind of role model do you make for your child? Does your child see you stressed out most of the time? Do your children witness, on a regular basis, you and your spouse arguing over who had the roughest day? Do either of you demonstrate what it looks like to relax? If you answered yes to the first two questions and no to the third, you are not alone, but things need to change. How will your child learn to relax if they never see you do it. You are the biggest role model that they have. It is an awesome responsibility so don't take it lightly. Many kids, when asked, say how their parents deal with stress in the family and how they pass that stress on to them is the biggest affecter of their own stress level. While parents thought their kids extra curricular activities and pressure to achieve were most stressful to them. Schools, even at the elementary level, are instituting stress management programs, but the changes need to begin at home.
When you come home, take the time to ask your child about their day, not complain about your own day. Then, actually sit and listen to what your child is saying. Don't sort through the mail or work on dinner, just pay attention to your child and let them know that they matter. You are their rock. If you don't have the answers and strength to help them, who does? Leave the work and worry outside the door. Bringing it home isn't fair to your family or yourself. I realize that today to be at the top you have to work twice as hard, but I have seen what this can do to families. Is it really worth it? Your children won't love you any less if you spend quality time with them instead of buying things to occupy them. Isolation increases stress. A child can not destress in front of the TV or video game alone. This simply creates over stimulation which can cause more stress. Even if it does keep them out of your hair for a while.
We all need to make an effort to bring back the family dinner. That means to turn off the TV and talk to each other. Make a habit of going around the table and having each person tell one good thing about their day. No complaining, just good things. Go for a walk together before dinner or after. Agree to play one game of Uno or Rummy after the table is cleared, three times a week. You will see your child help clear the table, on those nights, without having to ask. Some nights I am so overwhelmed that I know I will be up all night if I don't get the kids to bed and get busy, but I force myself to take a few deep breaths, pick up the book we are all reading together, and read to them for fifteen to thirty minutes. They are well beyond the ages of reading to themselves, but when studied, children that were read to into the teen years had a much closer relationship with their parents. When they begin to bulk at reading with you start a book club together and set aside some time each week to discuss the book you have chosen. This will also give you a chance to see what interest your child. Take turns picking the books and don't complain when it is their turn. Learn a relaxing technic together. The elementary years are a good time for a child to learn to "breath" through their anger. Breath slowly will counting to 10 before you respond to them or ask them a second time to do something. Yoga is great for relaxing and it does increase flexiblity and strength. It is really catching on with today's teens.
Rome wasn't built in a day and change is never easy. If you have never even wondered if your child is over scheduled and stressed out, begin slowly to make changes. Let them choose what is really important to them and teach them that it is okay to say "no." They don't have to be on the soccer team just because they are great at it. They should be there if they enjoy it. I am not saying that you shouldn't insist a child stick with a sport once they begin it, but know them well enough to see if they are doing it for you or because they really enjoy it. If your child or teen is overwhelmed with school work give them a chance to simplify their life. Teach them now to prioritize, and make a to-do list. You will never be sorry. Have a big calendar or two hanging around and have everyone put their activities in an individual color. This makes it easier to see who should be where and when. Practice your own organizational skills so you can teach by example, or better yet, learn together.
Being a parent has never been easy, but I feel it is only getting harder. Take some time to simplify your own life. Make a list of what is really important and what you can live without. Hopefully your family will be at the top of the important list. Now make a conscious effort to make them a priority. Let your kids know that you love them everyday and support them in the decisions they make. If you respect them, they are far more likely to confide in you when they need advice.
Believe me, I don't have all the answers. Some of these things will work and some won't. You just have to find the time and energy to try, and our kids are worth that. Keep an eye on your teen and if they are overwhelmed don't brush it aside. Teen suicide is rising everyday and it is so much easier to see the problems in the hindsight, but no parent wants to realize they could have helped their child after it is too late. Know the signs of teen depression and suicide. Log on to Yellowribbon.org and get help even if you suspect they need it.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Stressed Out Kids
Children are experiencing far more stress these days than ever before. Prescriptions are being written for depression and anxiety medications in record numbers. In a 2003 Survey conducted by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions/Drunk Driving 43% of 13 to 14-year-olds say they feel stress everyday. By the time these teens reach 15 to 17-years of age that number increases to 59%. What is stressing these adolescents the most? They admit they are stressed out about their homework, pressure to excel, relationships with parents, time constraints, and they feel anxiety about their appearance and weight.
Our younger children are often over scheduled. Due to policies like No Child Left Behind, schools are pushing children harder than ever before to succeed. School is beginning earlier each year to get as much learning crammed into their growing brains before government mandated standardized testing beings in October or November. Homework use to begin in third or fourth grade now it begins in earnest in first grade. By fourth grade most children are bringing home up to one hour per grade level in homework each evening. Parents want so much more for their children than they had themselves. It is like trying to keep up with the Jones, but we want our children to be better than theirs too. Recent studies suggest that at least 25% of all children suffer from test related anxiety serious enough to make them physically ill.
In addition to all that homework they are being taxied to soccer practice, track, football, karate, piano lessons, or a host of other activities. Sports are becoming more and more competitive. Soccer no longer has a season, but is played year round as is basketball. In 2002 a study published in the Journal of Sport Behavior stated that 90% of 10th graders had dropped out of a sports program they had begun. Why? Too much pressure, they are overwhelmed by the class work/homework needed to get into a good college and the pressure to excel academically.
For those who have children with a mood disorder, the University Of California study that found stress causes the body to produce chemicals in the brain that lead to kids craving sweets and carbohydrates, is no big surprise. The number of overweight children is rising more and more each year. What parent doesn't find it easier to zip through McDonald's between piano lessons and soccer practice. Not all of this weight can be blamed on McDonald's though, stress plays a big part in it too. Even a child's body produces cortisol in response to stress. How many of us take the time to have our child's cholesterol checked? You could be horrified at the findings, if you insisted that your doctor do the test. A 2000 National institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism study suggests that adolescents with high cortisol levels produced by stress are more likely to abuse alcohol.
High school was and remains difficult for many people. Today the pressure is so great that more than ever overwhelmed teens are taking their own lives. Teen suicide is becoming the leading cause of young deaths in our nation. All this stress is also triggering depression in young adults in record numbers. We know that the teen years are the time when most bipolar disorders are diagnosed. Mood disorders are also becoming more and more prominate at younger ages. Studies are on going to determine if there is a link between stress at earlier ages and the onset of bipolar disorder and other mood disorders.
Think back and see if there is a time in your memory where you said to your child, "What do you mean you don't feel like going to practice? I paid good money for you to be in this program and you are going to go." I know I can remember at least a few times when I have uttered these word and I pride myself on being someone not to overschedule my children. Now that you are all thinking about this topic I will let you digested it a few days and tell you what you can do differently if you want to improve the life of your child. Check back later in the week for Stressed Out Kids Part 2.
Our younger children are often over scheduled. Due to policies like No Child Left Behind, schools are pushing children harder than ever before to succeed. School is beginning earlier each year to get as much learning crammed into their growing brains before government mandated standardized testing beings in October or November. Homework use to begin in third or fourth grade now it begins in earnest in first grade. By fourth grade most children are bringing home up to one hour per grade level in homework each evening. Parents want so much more for their children than they had themselves. It is like trying to keep up with the Jones, but we want our children to be better than theirs too. Recent studies suggest that at least 25% of all children suffer from test related anxiety serious enough to make them physically ill.
In addition to all that homework they are being taxied to soccer practice, track, football, karate, piano lessons, or a host of other activities. Sports are becoming more and more competitive. Soccer no longer has a season, but is played year round as is basketball. In 2002 a study published in the Journal of Sport Behavior stated that 90% of 10th graders had dropped out of a sports program they had begun. Why? Too much pressure, they are overwhelmed by the class work/homework needed to get into a good college and the pressure to excel academically.
For those who have children with a mood disorder, the University Of California study that found stress causes the body to produce chemicals in the brain that lead to kids craving sweets and carbohydrates, is no big surprise. The number of overweight children is rising more and more each year. What parent doesn't find it easier to zip through McDonald's between piano lessons and soccer practice. Not all of this weight can be blamed on McDonald's though, stress plays a big part in it too. Even a child's body produces cortisol in response to stress. How many of us take the time to have our child's cholesterol checked? You could be horrified at the findings, if you insisted that your doctor do the test. A 2000 National institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism study suggests that adolescents with high cortisol levels produced by stress are more likely to abuse alcohol.
High school was and remains difficult for many people. Today the pressure is so great that more than ever overwhelmed teens are taking their own lives. Teen suicide is becoming the leading cause of young deaths in our nation. All this stress is also triggering depression in young adults in record numbers. We know that the teen years are the time when most bipolar disorders are diagnosed. Mood disorders are also becoming more and more prominate at younger ages. Studies are on going to determine if there is a link between stress at earlier ages and the onset of bipolar disorder and other mood disorders.
Think back and see if there is a time in your memory where you said to your child, "What do you mean you don't feel like going to practice? I paid good money for you to be in this program and you are going to go." I know I can remember at least a few times when I have uttered these word and I pride myself on being someone not to overschedule my children. Now that you are all thinking about this topic I will let you digested it a few days and tell you what you can do differently if you want to improve the life of your child. Check back later in the week for Stressed Out Kids Part 2.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Update on Custodial Rights Case
I am so happy to report that following the publication of the article on this blog, media interest, and support the story has a happy ending. Jennifer and Stephen have been reunited with their ten-year-old daughter. It was a wonderful moment that made even the most jaded of the advocacy world have tears in their eyes. It reminded us why we fight this battle against the stigma of mental health. The call came on Friday evening after the local media had accompanied the parents on an attempt to visit the child. The parents appeared to be denied their legal right to visit their own child during the prescribed times.
After months of court battles, filing petitions and mental stress that would have beaten down the strongest of parents these parents are able to sleep knowing their daughter is back where she belongs. They know that it will not be easy to raise this child, but feel that they are up to the challenge. Congratulations and remember you are never alone.
All I really want to add is that God or some greater force gives us these children who are bipolar. Some of us can follow the family tree and know we are not the first in the family to travel this road, some have adopted a child and never knew their dream would turn out like this. What we all need to remember is that we were chosen for this challenge and the way we complete it will show our true worth. You can bury your head or you can rise to the challenge.
Most of the children I meet have an incredible side to their personality that when nurtured can grow and flourish. This is what we must all remember when we say we can't do this one more day. Somehow we find the strength to go on. Support groups like DBSA have helped many find that strength because they have been there and they won't question your parenting skills, but help you fine tune them. You can in turn can find the beauty in your child and help them to flourish.
A child is never so dysfunctional that they should be given up on. If you are perpetuating dysfunction that you learned in your family setting, get help. Reach out and you will find a therapist or an organization to guide you. Your child, no matter what the diagnoses, deserves your very best effort and then some. These children are the future leaders of America.
After months of court battles, filing petitions and mental stress that would have beaten down the strongest of parents these parents are able to sleep knowing their daughter is back where she belongs. They know that it will not be easy to raise this child, but feel that they are up to the challenge. Congratulations and remember you are never alone.
All I really want to add is that God or some greater force gives us these children who are bipolar. Some of us can follow the family tree and know we are not the first in the family to travel this road, some have adopted a child and never knew their dream would turn out like this. What we all need to remember is that we were chosen for this challenge and the way we complete it will show our true worth. You can bury your head or you can rise to the challenge.
Most of the children I meet have an incredible side to their personality that when nurtured can grow and flourish. This is what we must all remember when we say we can't do this one more day. Somehow we find the strength to go on. Support groups like DBSA have helped many find that strength because they have been there and they won't question your parenting skills, but help you fine tune them. You can in turn can find the beauty in your child and help them to flourish.
A child is never so dysfunctional that they should be given up on. If you are perpetuating dysfunction that you learned in your family setting, get help. Reach out and you will find a therapist or an organization to guide you. Your child, no matter what the diagnoses, deserves your very best effort and then some. These children are the future leaders of America.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Protect Your Custodial Rights
Imagine that your child was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD at the age of five. Okay, for some of us this isn’t a real stretch of the imagination. You do what we have all done and learn all that you possibly can about these disorders and how to best deal with them. You search for a doctor that will take children and you try the medicines that he suggests. Some of those medicines make your child so sick that it breaks your heart. You keep plugging on for a few years changing medicines every few months due to side effects or because they aren’t really working. You try not to read the inserts that come in those samples the psychiatrist gives you to try on your child. If you do read them you are so scared to death that you are going to poison your child trying to make her better. Some meds seem to work for a little while and then your child wakes up one day totally out of control. Now what? The psychiatrist sends her to the hospital because it will be easier and safer to adjust the meds there. All you really know is that your 10 year-old child is so out of control you don’t know how to handle her. She is aggressive, violent, irritable or depressed. Then you find her in her room cutting into her skin, begging you to let her die. This is your 10 year old without the correct medication. What is this horrible, devastating illness and how are you going to get the upper hand? Where did your child get this and will it ever go away, but most important what can you do to keep her alive and to keep your younger children safe?
Your psychiatrist must know best, so you take your child to a reputable hospital where you pray she will get the care and the medication she needs. When you go to the hospital to pick up your child and they tell you that they have done what they can. They give you a pamphlet and suggest that you should consider a Residential Treatment Center to place your child in for a few months. Just until the medication is fully on board and she has learned some coping skills. It sounds terrifying at this moment to let your 10 year old move to a full time hospital. The doctors convince you that you will have a chance to deal with the trauma of knowing things may never get any better than this. Your child is mentally ill and you both need to learn how to handle this and develop coping skills.
You read the literature the hospital gave you. This Residential Treatment Center sounds like a fabulous place. When you talk to the admission department at the treatment center they all seem so nice and convince you that they can help your child. They give you unwritten assurances that when she comes back to you she will once again be the sweet little child that you remember from before this hell all began.
It all sounds like a good plan. Thank God there is someone who believes they can help your child and they are willing to begin treatment immediately. Wait…this is not a perfect world, so of course there is a draw back. It is cost prohibitive. A term we are all so familiar with. In the world of mental illness you are actually better off if you are receiving Federal Aid. If you have a good job and health insurance you have a very limited amount of time your child can spend in a hospital let alone a Residential Treatment Facility. This facility is telling you that they can help your child and like any parent you would do anything that would help you get your child back to “normal.” It costs $10,000.00 a month. That seems like an outrageous amount of money so this place must be the best. Even the name sounds reassuring. You know you have to help your child now or she might not live to see 11.
There is a way…you could relinquish your custodial rights, just for a little while. The state will let you do this and they will pay for your child to go to this fabulous treatment center. You are told that lots of parents, just like you, are forced to do this to be able to give their child the care that they truly need. You are reassured that when your child is well again you won’t have any trouble getting your custodial rights reinstated and your child will be back home and healthy.
Again this isn’t a perfect world so there must be a catch, but what could it be? You are a parent and you can handle anything as long as you know that your child is safe from suicide and learning to deal with her illness. Even letting her live in this state of the art center surrounded by doctors, nurses and aids that know all about mental illness and how to best care for your child during this time of severe illness.
This is where the nightmare begins…you feel the fabulous Residential Treatment Center with the serene name is Hell on Earth. You come to visit your child and she has bruises on her neck. A male psych tech chose to restrain her physically resulting in the bruises. In another instance she is in need of medical attention that is not provided. Her mental health is not improving, but she is learning some horrible habits. She has a new vocabulary that you would only hear from a group of sailors. You can not believe that you were so wrong about all of this. Why has this situation changed so dramatically from what was represented when the option was presented? Who is responsible for oversight and what is being done? Do any of them really know what goes on at this treatment center? How could they and let it take place? This is really insane.
What can you do to get your child out of this place? You have to let people know what you think is going on here. You call an attorney and he agrees to help. You file all the right motions, and you think people would want to hear about the abuse you feel that your child and other children could be experiencing. They should want to help you and your child. No body could even imagine the possibility of a child being mistreated and let any facility get away with it. You believe in justice and fairness. You tell them to please give your child back and you will take care of her and spend every dime you have to take care of her medical needs. The state told you this was for the best and now your baby is so much worse off than before. She has been there for over six months and things have not improved at all. You just want to take her, run and hide, but you know this is no solution. You can’t take all of those children with you too. What can you do to get your child back and help the other children?
This is not the script for the latest movie of the week. This is real life and it is happening in the small town of Wheatfield, Indiana. It is happening to a middle class family with three children and a stable home. A home that has never been visited by the Department of Children and Families. The father, Stephen Herald, works for Ford Motor Company and the mother, Jennifer Herald, is a teachers aid at the local elementary school. This nightmare is theirs and they wanted to share the horror of it with all of us. Especially those who have children who are bipolar and sometimes think we just can’t take this anymore. If there is someone out there who can help, please do so. Notify your local media and see what they think about this issue. If all you can do is offer verbal support that will help too. Jennifer felt like they were all alone in this fight until she came to a DBSA meeting. She knows now that she is not alone, but it is a cold comfort. Jennifer lives in constant fear for the safety and emotional well being of her child. She prays that her child has not suffered any permanent mental or emotional damage from this ordeal. Jennifer wants only to have her daughter back and to save other parents from the horror her family has had to endure.
As always your comments are welcome here at www.dbsa.blogspot.com or at the email of DBSA of Northwest Indiana at dbsanwin@yahoo.com. You may also contact Jennifer and Stephen directly at jen_her_child@yahoo.com. (there are underscores where those spaces show.) Thank you for your interest and advice.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Homeless In Porter County
Last night I wasn't sure how the topic of the support group meeting would apply to me. Tom Isakson was with us and the topic was "Homeless in Porter County." How could I really relate to the homeless situation? I donate money to shelters, I pass on clothing and hygiene products. I have empathy for the homeless, but when I see a person with a cardboard sign asking for my money while they smoke a cigarette all I really feel is disgusted. Why don't they get a job? They are in front of McDonald's whose "help wanted" sign is clearly visible. I almost didn't attend this meeting and that would have been a tragedy because Tom Isakson opened my eyes to a side of homelessness that I had not seen. It was an enlightening experience.
I learned that the fastest growing population of homelessness in our area are families. Approximately 300 children in our area go to bed each night not knowing where they will sleep tomorrow or the next night. 150 of these children are under the age of six. There are about 750 people without a home in Porter County each year. This number continues to grow.
There are three basic types of homelessness. The first being Chronic Homelessness.
These people are often homeless for a long time. These are the people we typically think of when we hear the word "homeless." They often dress in rags, eat from dumpsters, and live in squalor. There are four primary reasons that we, as a group, were able to list for chronic homelessness.
1. Chronic Sever Mental Illness. Without medication these people are unable to get help.
2. Substance Abuse/Gambling Addiction. Gov't cuts have made it more difficult for these people to get the help they need to recover.
3. Duel Diagnosis. Both Sever Mental illness and substance addiction.
4. Post traumatic Stress Disorder. These people have suffered such trauma that they are unable to deal with life. They have no hope and no will to live. They could be war veterans, domestic violence victims, suffered the tragic death of a loved one or a child, or the collapse of their business. I can't help but wonder if this population will grow as soldiers return from Iraq as it did when our forces returned from Vietnam.
Next we have One Time Homelessness. People often bounce back from this type of homelessness. The causes for one time homelessness could effect any of us.
1. Fire
2. Divorce
3. Domestic violence/trauma
4. Natural disasters
5. Joblessness. People living paycheck to paycheck without savings.
I remember seeing a TV program once that said "we are all three paychecks away from being homeless." With that in mind, this could be any of us.
Last we have Episodic Homelessness. This is the largest growing category and the one that includes the most children.
1. Living from friend to friend, never knowing where the next bed will be.
2. May get ahead for a while and then slip, never really attaining stability.
A. Bad luck
B. Chronic illness. Off and on physical, mental, or medical disability that effects their work ability.
C. Low wages. At $5.15 an hour you need work a 107 hour week to afford the average apartment.
D. Single parenting/unpaid child support. The district attorney's office just can't keep up.
E. Life skills deficits. Usually money management issues are the biggest problem.
a. Impulsive spending. Often the result of illness such as bipolar disorder.
b. Emotional control/poor anger management. Not able to control their anger and keep a job or getting in trouble with the law for fighting.
c. Poor impulse control. Calling in sick because they feel like it or not showing up on time.
d. Poor or low education. No post graduate education or trade school. No job training.
e. Dysfunctional families. Most adults that go through the shelter had dysfunctional families. These people lived with abusive, alcoholic, or non-existent parents. The most important job of a parent is to teach a child that they are loved. This doesn't cost anything and anyone can do it. We could all work toward ending the dysfunctional family in America by simply teaching love.
The second thing we can all do is promise to be the very best friend to our friends that we can be. Ask what we can do to help in a time of loss or crisis. Don't desert them when the worst appears to be over. Hang in there and be a friend for the long haul.
Tom has some definite thoughts about what America needs to do to help stop homelessness. Raising the minimum wage to make it a wage that people could actually live on. Employers need to stop hiring part-time workers that they don't have to pay benefits to. Welfare is the only gov't fund that has not seen a cost of living increase since 1985. More and more jobs are done by robots and computers or outsourced.
Homelessness is increasing by 5% a year in Porter County alone. The Spring Valley Shelter (a shelter for families) is only able to provide shelter to about 12% of those who ask for help due to their small size. The only other gov't owned housing in Porter County is the Hospital and the County Jail.
Christian Community Action is trying to raise $1,750,000.00 to build and support a bigger shelter. This campaign is called "Raise A Roof." If you can help with a tax deductible contribution please contact the CCA at ccaopc@netnitco.net or by phone at 219-548-2379.
The shelter could also use contributions of clothing, food, toys, books, bedding items, and volunteers. If you can help contact Tom Isakson, Program Director, at springva@netnitco.net or call 219-465-1022. The CCA motto is Housing for today. Hope for tomorrow. Remember that every little bit helps.
Suicide: A New Addiction
It may seem hard to believe and for some it is very difficult to discuss. It is however true. There seems to be a new mental health phenomenon. Suicide for the overwhelming thrill it can give to take life to the edge of death and live to tell about it. Many leave behind loved ones to tell their story and struggle to understand the obsession. It is mostly young women who are suffering from this "addiction to suicide".
Most of these young woman suffer from depression, bipolar disorder or some other form of a mood disorder. Some are just attention seeking in the most desperate way possible. Like cutting, which has reached epic proportions among young women, suicide is a way to ease the pain that life often brings. For the parents who may not be familiar with the term "cutting," it is when a person inflects pain on themselves by cutting into their skin with almost anything you can think of. It can also be burning oneself with a cigarette or other ways of torture, that we can't even imagine. Teens tell me that "cutting" relieves their pain or enables them to feel pain. It also puts them in control of the pain they feel. Most say they do it in private and are careful to mark places others won't see. The attention seekers often cut where you can see and want you to take notice.
Unlike males that often seek far more successful means of suicide such as guns, knives, and hanging, these females often choose less drastic forms of suicide. It is not that they are not serious, but that the thrill is getting as close as they can without crossing that limit. Taking just enough pills and then calling 911 for help. Remembering at the last second that they promised to call their therapist before attempting suicide again and making that call. Some do succeed and then the thrill ends their life. It is a very high price to pay for the rush of death.
This is a day and age where everything is "now" and "want." We no longer need things or wait for them. Death is no different. These young people have tried all the risk taking they can think of. The thrill is just no longer achievable. There aren't any more cries for attention that have not been tried, heard, and ignored. Now there is only the rush of suicide.
We can't ignore this desire to die because often they do succeed. We should never, not take a suicide threat seriously because you only get one chance to make a mistake. The price you pay is the life of someone you love. If you know someone who mentions suicide as a thought they have entertained, talk about it and help them to get the professional help they need. It may be an uncomfortable conversation. Discussing it does not make it more likely to happen, but not talking about it can.
Most of these young woman suffer from depression, bipolar disorder or some other form of a mood disorder. Some are just attention seeking in the most desperate way possible. Like cutting, which has reached epic proportions among young women, suicide is a way to ease the pain that life often brings. For the parents who may not be familiar with the term "cutting," it is when a person inflects pain on themselves by cutting into their skin with almost anything you can think of. It can also be burning oneself with a cigarette or other ways of torture, that we can't even imagine. Teens tell me that "cutting" relieves their pain or enables them to feel pain. It also puts them in control of the pain they feel. Most say they do it in private and are careful to mark places others won't see. The attention seekers often cut where you can see and want you to take notice.
Unlike males that often seek far more successful means of suicide such as guns, knives, and hanging, these females often choose less drastic forms of suicide. It is not that they are not serious, but that the thrill is getting as close as they can without crossing that limit. Taking just enough pills and then calling 911 for help. Remembering at the last second that they promised to call their therapist before attempting suicide again and making that call. Some do succeed and then the thrill ends their life. It is a very high price to pay for the rush of death.
This is a day and age where everything is "now" and "want." We no longer need things or wait for them. Death is no different. These young people have tried all the risk taking they can think of. The thrill is just no longer achievable. There aren't any more cries for attention that have not been tried, heard, and ignored. Now there is only the rush of suicide.
We can't ignore this desire to die because often they do succeed. We should never, not take a suicide threat seriously because you only get one chance to make a mistake. The price you pay is the life of someone you love. If you know someone who mentions suicide as a thought they have entertained, talk about it and help them to get the professional help they need. It may be an uncomfortable conversation. Discussing it does not make it more likely to happen, but not talking about it can.
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