Saturday, November 19, 2005

New Name

Some of you may have noticed that I took off the North West Indiana from the blogs title. Since I am now residing in Texas it would be difficult to keep you up to date with what is going on in Indiana. I will still attempt to provide valuable information about Bipolar Disorder.
On Friday we had our first school meeting for Jordan and what a difference it was. It was such a wonderful change to have an educational team that was prepared to educate my child no matter what. I will keep you posted as to the progress with the school.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

New Beginnings

At times we all need a new start. Some of us are lucky or brave enough to be able to make one. Perhaps it was just mania and not divine inspiration, but I have made a new start. After three years in the frozen land of Northern Indiana I have packed up and moved to Texas. I have brought my boys here to make a new start away from the schools of narrow thinking. It felt like the right thing to do. We are starting over in Grapevine, Texas. It is a good sized city between Dallas and Fort Worth. It has some of the best rated schools in the nation. I realize that there are good and bad teachers everywhere, but at least here they are familiar with what it takes to provide a "free appropriate public education." They were dumbfounded that my son had never been aided by a school psychologist in Indiana, I guess that is because the school didn't have one. There are going to be a lot of changes for us, and I am sure that they won't all be easy, but I will do everything in my power to make the lives of my boys better. I will miss the DBSA of Indiana and the wonderful people I left behind, but I know they are all wishing us well and believe in the changes I have made. I will continue to update the blog and to provide new information as it comes to me. Thank you all for reading and for your comments. I will do my best to provide some new content.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Still Meeting

I recently recieved a comment to this blog wondering if the support group was still active. The answer is "yes." The groups are very active and we are working to help as many people as possible.
The group in Valparaiso meets on the first and third Wednesday at the Aled P. Davies Independence House. It is located at 1254 Lincolnway. We meet there from 6-8pm and the first meeting of the month is generally a speaker meeting. We are still working on the formation of the teen group and have a facilitator who specilizes in working with teens. We welcome all teens and young adults to join this group and also their friends and siblings who would like to better understand this disorder.
There is also a group who meets in Merrillville on the second and fourth Monday of each month from 7-9pm at Methodist Hospital in the basement.
I hope this helped anyone who needed more information and I promise to try my best to update this blog more often. Please join us for the support group meetings. We have been there and we can help. Even I need to be reminded that "I am not alone."

Monday, August 29, 2005

Back To School

I recently attended the DBSA National Conference in Chicago. I was surprised and pleased to know that there are people out there other than my family who are reading this blog. I will try to update it more often so there is fresh content.

My boys are back to school. Some parents are really happy to see their children return to school. Those of us with bipolar children know that it is just another year of the same nightmare. Schools and teachers who don't understand what bipolar even means or are sure that your child is just a behavior problem and being more firm and less understanding will do the trick. I thought perhaps Junior High School would make the difference, I was wrong, but still hopeful. A week into school and the staff had still not seen the IEP. Two days after the staff had a meeting with the representative for the Special Education Office from the district my son received a "F" on a math test for using his calculator. When I questioned the teacher on why she didn't tell him that she didn't want him to use it she looked at me like I was stupid (a look I should be use to from teachers by now). I told her it is in his "IEP" that he can use the calculator so he is able to keep up with the other students. Her response, "I am not that familiar with his IEP."

So here we go, back to school. I hope others have better luck than I am. I will continue to update the blog as often as possible so keep checking back. Feel free to make comments if you have suggestions for me or others they can read the comments you send.

Friday, August 12, 2005

The Bipolar Sibling

In the latest issue of BP Magazine there is an article that addresses the issue of being the sibling of a bipolar child, adolescent , or adult. As caregivers and often consumers, we spend so much time thinking of the child who is ill that we neglect to see that this disorder has victims that stay in the shadows. Often they are hurting, but don’t want to complain or make things any worse for their parents; than they already are. I often wonder what the effect of having a sibling who has severe bipolar disorder really is. Never knowing what the outcome will be to the explosive behavior. My son who is not effected with bipolar disorder, Matthew, never knows if his brother will love him or hate him. If he will play with him or threaten him. It is a wild rollercoaster ride. As a mother I never know when it is a simple sibling squabble or a wild mood swing that could have dire consequences. There are the times when Matthew must wonder if he will be diagnosed next. If he is having a bad day and is tired or irritable does that mean he has “it?” As a parent I find myself wondering the same thing sometimes. Not sure if I am strong enough to go through this illness with another child. The child with bipolar gets so much attention. All the doctor appointments and the times when we give in as parents because it is so much easier than the fight that ensues when you say no. There is no fairness to the way you treat these children which just makes it harder for your “normal” child to accept the situation. Sometimes Matthew isn’t sure that he is the lucky one. It seems like his brother gets so much attention and gets away with more. It is true that I often expect less from his brother because I am simply thankful for what I have. It is very difficult when you listen to your sibling wishing he were dead. At nine how can you ever comprehend that someone could be in that much pain. I see this child's heartbreak when his brother is in so much pain and he can’t do anything to help him. I have a hard time understanding it myself so how can I expect a child to ever understand what his sibling with bipolar disorder is going through. It is important at times for Matthew to have a safe place that he can get to when he feels threatened by his brother. I like to believe that the threats are “all talk” and that Matthew would never really be injured by his brother, but I am not willing to bet his safety on that. His safe place is my bedroom which has a lock on the door, a phone, and a bathroom. It is difficult when you can’t leave your teenage son at home alone or with his brother. He is getting too old for a sitter, but even an hour alone could turn into a nightmare or it could be absolutely fine. Other family members can’t understand that. Even the boy’s own father says, “they will be fine for a few hours.” I know that I am not being over protective because I have seen what can happen when bipolar disorder takes over and my son is no longer in control of his actions. I have gotten a therapist for Matthew because I know he needs to tell someone what he experiences at home. I just hope everyday that he knows how much I love him and how special he is. I hope he never has to face the loss of his brother, but at nine he already knows it is possible.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Enable

Enable, according to Webster’s North American Dictionary, means: (1) to provide somebody with means; to provide somebody with the resources, authority, or opportunity to do something. (2) make something possible; to make something possible or feasible.
Just add an “er” to the end and you can easily become the person doing these things for someone else; the “enabler.” I am not really sure that makes sense. If you think of the free-will that we all possess how are we really enabling somebody else? Would they not be doing “it” if we didn’t authorize it, provide the resources or the opportunity for them? Where does free-will come into that? Are we to assume that the “enabled” would not find a way to do whatever “it” is without the help of the “enabler”?
When my brother, who is on his way to becoming an addiction therapist, was my brother, the heroin addict, my mom use to say that she should not have enabled him. I could never really understand how she did that. He didn’t live at home, he was well passed the age of consent, she didn’t give him money, nor did she authorize the use of illegal drugs, so according to Webster’s she really doesn’t fit the definition.
What she did do was love him unconditionally. No matter how far down he sank he knew she loved him. When he was ready to get help, guess who he went to? The one person he knew would not judge him, or throw him away, but would get him the help he needed; Mom. Was her love enabling? Maybe by somebody’s definition; somebody who doesn’t have children or who has never had to watch as a child tries time and time again to end the pain of their existence.
The principal of my son’s elementary school called today to give me a piece of her mind. When my son called in horrible emotional pain and asked me to come to his school and help him, I went. I was cleaning the house, not at work, or school just home doing chores. I went to the school. I helped him get it together and got him back to class. The principal told me I was enabling him. The child who had not been out of bed for fifteen hours because he was too depressed to move. The same one who goes to school day in and day out and he truly believes everyone there hates him. This child whom, at the age of eleven, begs everyday just to die and end the pain that his life, seems to him, to be.
So I listened to this woman who works with kids, but has never had any of her own. She has probably never stood at the grave of a child who succeeded in permanently ending the pain. I doubt she has ever sat in the psychic ward waiting room to spend thirty minutes with a nine year old that the hospital will only let you visit every other day. A child who you must have enabled, in some way, to attempt suicide. Enable-provide the resources, authority, or opportunity to do something. This does not fit me or the relationship I have with my child. If I have enabled him then it was with unconditional love so he would be able to come to me and tell me that he was afraid he would succeed in killing himself this time, but he didn’t want to die; just to stop the pain.
I listened and I held my tongue. I did not apologize for my actions. I did not agree with her. I did not tell her I would not run to his rescue again. But I did wonder how somebody with so much education could be so ignorant. I felt sorry for her. She had probably never had the chance to love somebody so unconditionally that she would give her life to make theirs better. Give everything to make their pain end even if it was just for a day. Just long enough to make it through one more school day.
If that is enabling then yes, I am an enabler. I will continue to enable my child to live in this cruel world one more day, year, decade, lifetime. I owe that to him because I am his mother. I don’t know if others can understand that. Those who are not mothers, fathers, grandparents. Somebody who has never stood by the grave of a child and tried to comfort a mother who found her child dead on the bathroom floor. I stood beside her and wondered if one day I would be standing where she was?
I listened to the principal and I thought about what she had said. I thought about what this all really meant. I asked myself…Would I stop the pain if I could? Would I take away my son’s disorder? Will I work to find a cure for his illness? Will I continue to love him unconditionally? Yes. Yes, to all of these questions. Yes, he is lucky to have me and I am lucky to have him. I will be fortunate if my child is with me for another day, year, decade, lifetime. If he is not, I will know that while I had him in my life I loved him with everything I had to give and he will have left knowing that. Never doubting my love or how I enabled him to grow, live, and love unconditionally.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Stress and College Students

As you welcome home your child from college for the summer listen to what they are saying or maybe what they are not saying. More and more college students are suffering from depression. This is a time in life when many young people are diagnoised with bipolar disorder. If you are at this site then you probably know what bipolar disorder is or think you know how it presents itself. Well, in teens like in children depression and bipolar disorder can look a little different so read on. Some of the red flags to watch for are a college student who doesn't want to get together with their friends when they come home. They choose instead to spend time alone. They sleep later than usual or choose to lounge around, not getting dressed or going out. At first, as a parent, you may think your child just needs some time to relax, but we are talking about teens. They seldom take time to relax when they can be with friends they haven't seen for a while or out doing something fun. So before you brush off symptoms of irrability or isolation take a closer look. Don't be afraid to talk to your child and ask them if they are depressed or feeling different. They may not be able to give it a name, they just know that they don't feel like themselves.

College is a whole new world to most. Even if high school was a breeze and your child is getting good grades they don't have you to fix meals, do the laundry, or make them be home and in bed on time. The stress of college is unimaginable for some and overwhelming for others.

Let your college student know that there is nothing wrong with them. Everyone feels a little overwhelmed or depressed at times and there is help. If you feel the problem is bigger than something you can handle don't hessitate to call a professional. There are therapists that specialize in working with teens and young adults. They know how to help your child feel comfortable.


I know I haven't been writing much lately, but my professors have sure been getting a lot of writing out of me. Being an overwhelmed student is something I am very familiar with. My biggest issue is my own children telling me that I am not spending enough time with them. I would like to say that I will be blogging more in the summer, but I am continuing to take classes so there won't be anymore time available than during the regular school year.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Dr. Zemansky Speaks About Teen Suicide

DBSA Valparaiso had the pleasure of having Dr. Mary Zemansky join us on March 2, 2005. She spoke to the group about a growing problem in our society, Teen Suicide. In the last ten years the suicide rate has tripled in the 15-24 year old age group. These teen years sometimes known as the “Years of Invincibility” have teens finding more and more that they are not invincible. Approximately 4,000 teens successfully commit suicide each year, thousands more attempt it. Teens 15-16 years old are most likely to commit suicide. Most attempts take place in the home between 3pm and midnight. Females attempt it more often, but males seem to take more drastic measures that are irreversible.

One of the most common myths about teen suicide is that only teens who are depressed attempt it. This is far from true. Many things prompt teens to come to the conclusion that their life is not worth living. As we all know the teen years are the hardest. Life is so intense during these years. Then with the addition of hormonal changes and peer relations it all mixes together for a tumultuous time for all teens.

Some of the events that can cause a teen to attempt suicide are as follows:
1. Peer pressure
2. Non-acceptance by peers
3. Hormonal changes
4. Loss of significant person in their life.
5. Humiliation from any event and harassment by peers.
6. Legal issues/ in trouble with the law.
7. Alcohol and drug use.
8. Eating disorders.
9. Family history of suicide or mental illness.
These are just some of the issues that could prompt suicide. Teens are as individual as are their reasons and their reactions to life issues.

Any threat of suicide should always be taken seriously. Even if the teen has a history of doing things to get attention, you don’t ever want to ignore a cry for help. It only takes one time of ignoring a threat to loss a child. Some of the signs to be on the look out for are as follows:
1. Previous suicide attempt.
2. Verbal threats
3. Giving away prized possessions.
4. Feeling depressed/hopeless/helpless.
5. Statements such as, “No one will miss me if I am gone.”
6. Sudden and obvious change in behavior or personality.
7. Beginning to use or increase in substance abuse. (This is often a sign that a teen is missing something in their life. They are trying to replace or self-medicate.)
8. Loss of a family member, friend, or pet.

Another myth that should be dispelled is that talking about suicide puts ideas in a persons head. The ideas were already there if you are seeing signs so take the time to talk to your teen. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care. If they are not comfortable talking to you suggest they speak to someone else such as a friend, school counselor, teacher, relative or neighbor. Dr. Zemansky says she often encounters teens that are afraid that if they have thought about suicide they must want to do it and that can be frightening. The truth is many teens have thought about suicide and would not do more than think about it, but they need to know that is normal. No teen is ever a lost cause. They can all be helped even if they really want to die. Don’t ever write off someone as a lost cause. Suicidal thoughts are often treated in an out-patient situation. Teens don’t need to be afraid that if they talk to someone they will be lock away in a hospital somewhere. After the start of medications, teens still need to be closely monitored. Sometimes if a person has been extremely depressed and unable to function after they begin to feel better with the medication they could possible have the energy to commit the act they have been thinking about, but didn’t have the strength to do.

There are protective factors that should be encouraged. Some suggestions are:
1. Support from others; family, friends, teachers, counselors, and relatives.
2. Having someone to talk to.
3. Being in control over stressful life events. During divorce kids need to know they are the number one priority in a parent’s life.
4. Concepts like divorce should be introduced slowly
5. Being spiritually centered. (Doesn’t have to be active in church just have a sense of oneself.)

Most suicidal teens don’t want to die, they want a way out or to escape the emotional pain. Many teens are unaware of the help available. Parents need to remember to listen and not lecture. Teens don’t need to be pushed away by an overpowering, lecturing parent. What they really need is love and understanding. Just let them know that it is okay to talk things out and get help.

For more information about teen suicide look on the web at:
www.teenagesuicide.com www.nami.org or a Google search under teen suicide.

My Inspiration

I would like to tell you about one of the bravest people I know. He is only a child yet he has more character than most adults. I have the honor of knowing this young person because he is my very own son. Though I do not take all the credit for his strength and wisdom; for I don’t think I could ever be so strong. He has taught me to be the willow in the wind. To bend until you think you will break and then stand tall once again.

His young life has never been easy. He has faced adversity, discrimination, and pain, which others can only imagine. Jordan has been chased by his own internal demons throughout his entire young life. The demons have shown him the depths of hell and he has fought and clawed his way back.

He has been terrorized in the night by jackals with the faces of those he loves. He has watched and lived through the terror of Jack the Ripper tearing him limb from limb. I have awoken to his blood curdling screams and known that he had to fight the demons alone. Even as his mother I could only watch and pray that he would wake and survive the pain and the horrors of the night. Each morning I am surprised to see that little angelic face emerge freshly washed and ready for yet another day of the life he has been dealt.

School for Jordan is like a walk across a bed of hot coals; never knowing what the outcome will be. His once lightening quick mind is dulled by the drugs that keep him alive. The few friends that he has shy away when the demons show their faces. The teachers seldom know that he has been up all night, terrified to sleep, or unable to find internal peace. Jordan is punished for the things he does instead of praised for his accomplishments and the person he is.

Jordan does not hear me as I scream at God about the unfairness of his life. He would tell me the words that he has heard me repeat so often; “God does not give us more than we can handle.” He is my strength and inspiration to go on and to fight for the rights he and every child deserve.

My son deserves to be understood and accepted as the bright and handsome boy that he is. He hides the demons so well, but when they escape and his soul is in turmoil the world can not understand. The world does not want to understand. Sometimes even I don’t understand. How could this beautiful child with his whole life ahead of him want nothing more than to die some days? To stop battling the demons and just accept the peace that only death can bring. Yet even as a child he thinks of his family not himself and he continues to struggle on, to save the rest of us from the pain.

This is my son, Jordan, which God has blessed me with and I pray that I will keep; for I need his strength as much as he needs mine. Most of all I need his love and the gentle hand that brushes away my tears and the sweet voice that quietly whispers, “God does not give us more than we can handle, Mom.”

Friday, February 04, 2005

I thought I should pass this along.


NAMI E-News January 19, 2005
Vol. 5-1
________________________________________________

Mental Health Screening Will Save Lives

Our nation simply cannot afford to continue to fail our
youth with mental disorders who need treatment. The tragic
consequences of our failure to identify youth through early
assessment and to intervene with appropriate mental health
treatment and services are well documented. The facts
speak for themselves:

- About 3,000 youth die every year from suicide (CDC);
- Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24
year olds and the 4th leading cause of death in children as
young as 10 years old (CDC);
- 90% of those who commit suicide have a diagnosable and
treatable mental disorder (Surgeon General, 1999);
- Approximately 10% of children and adolescents live with a
mental illness and yet, only about 20% of them are
identified and in treatment (Surgeon General, 1999);
- Youth with mental illnesses have the highest school
dropout and failure rates of any disability group (U.S.
Dept. of Education);
- An alarming 65% of boys and 75% of girls locked in our
nation’s jails and detention centers have one or more
psychiatric disorders (Teplin, L. Archives of General
Psychiatry, 2002).

Screening for the health and well being of children is a
well-established practice in the United States. We screen
for vision, lead poisoning, hearing, scoliosis,
tuberculosis, appropriate developmental progress and more.
Mental health screening is essential to address the gross
under-identification of youth with mental illnesses and the
tragic consequences that often follow. Research shows that
early identification and intervention leads to improved
outcomes and may lessen long-term disability. Many NAMI
families also recount that it promises to avoid years of
unnecessary suffering and lost opportunities.

NAMI calls on federal, state and local leaders to
immediately take affirmative steps to implement mental
health screening for children and adolescents. This
position is consistent with the recommendations included in
President Bush's New Freedom Commission report on mental
health that calls for mental health screening in child-
serving settings.

Campaigns of misinformation, stigma and fear must not stand
in the way of progress on this vital public health issue.
Screening must be done with proper protections and
guidelines in place. The most important of which are that
screening is voluntary and only done with parental
consent. To learn more about our position on mental health
screening and the protection and guidelines that families
are calling for, please review our recently adopted
position statement on mental health screening:


Representative Ron Paul of Texas has introduced
legislation, the Parental Consent Act of 2005 (H.R. 181)
that would prohibit the use of federal funds for mental
health screening. NAMI strongly opposes this legislation
and urges Congressional members not to support the bill and
any similar measures. The bill would stifle efforts to
support state and local programs designed to identify youth
struggling with mental illnesses and initiatives designed
to help reduce the existing youth suicide crisis in this
country.

Screening cannot be viewed in isolation. NAMI calls on
national leaders to build a comprehensive mental health
system of care for the millions of children who require
mental health treatment and services. These children and
families deserve nothing less.

Action Required:

Advocates are strongly encouraged to contact their members
of Congress to oppose H.R. 181 and other anti-screening
legislation. Advocates are also encouraged to share their
personal family stories with Congressional members about
how early detection of a child's mental illness made a
dramatic difference in their child's life or how the
failure to identify a child's mental disorder early
resulted in unnecessary suffering.

Congressional members are being regularly contacted by anti-
psychiatry groups who make false claims and distortions
about screening, including the claim that the President's
New Freedom Commission calls for mandatory screening
without parental consent. It is time to set the record
straight and to report on the experiences of countless
families from across the country. You may also send a
letter to your federal and state legislators and leaders on
mental health screening:


All House and Senate offices can be reached through the
Capital switchboard at 202-224-3121 (please note that this
is not a toll-free call). Senators and House members can
also be reached at their local offices that are listed in
the Blue Pages of your local phone directory.