My Inspiration

I would like to tell you about one of the bravest people I know. He is only a child yet he has more character than most adults. I have the honor of knowing this young person because he is my very own son. Though I do not take all the credit for his strength and wisdom; for I don’t think I could ever be so strong. He has taught me to be the willow in the wind. To bend until you think you will break and then stand tall once again.

His young life has never been easy. He has faced adversity, discrimination, and pain, which others can only imagine. Jordan has been chased by his own internal demons throughout his entire young life. The demons have shown him the depths of hell and he has fought and clawed his way back.

He has been terrorized in the night by jackals with the faces of those he loves. He has watched and lived through the terror of Jack the Ripper tearing him limb from limb. I have awoken to his blood curdling screams and known that he had to fight the demons alone. Even as his mother I could only watch and pray that he would wake and survive the pain and the horrors of the night. Each morning I am surprised to see that little angelic face emerge freshly washed and ready for yet another day of the life he has been dealt.

School for Jordan is like a walk across a bed of hot coals; never knowing what the outcome will be. His once lightening quick mind is dulled by the drugs that keep him alive. The few friends that he has shy away when the demons show their faces. The teachers seldom know that he has been up all night, terrified to sleep, or unable to find internal peace. Jordan is punished for the things he does instead of praised for his accomplishments and the person he is.

Jordan does not hear me as I scream at God about the unfairness of his life. He would tell me the words that he has heard me repeat so often; “God does not give us more than we can handle.” He is my strength and inspiration to go on and to fight for the rights he and every child deserve.

My son deserves to be understood and accepted as the bright and handsome boy that he is. He hides the demons so well, but when they escape and his soul is in turmoil the world can not understand. The world does not want to understand. Sometimes even I don’t understand. How could this beautiful child with his whole life ahead of him want nothing more than to die some days? To stop battling the demons and just accept the peace that only death can bring. Yet even as a child he thinks of his family not himself and he continues to struggle on, to save the rest of us from the pain.

This is my son, Jordan, which God has blessed me with and I pray that I will keep; for I need his strength as much as he needs mine. Most of all I need his love and the gentle hand that brushes away my tears and the sweet voice that quietly whispers, “God does not give us more than we can handle, Mom.”