ON LINE SUICIDE

I was recently surfing the internet when I saw a shocking headline. A thirteen-year-old girl had committed suicide due to a broken internet relationship. This girl had been sending instant messages to a young boy named Josh. After weeks and weeks of sharing all her secrets with this wonderful friend he told her that he did not want to be her friend because he had heard that she did not treat her friends well. She hung herself in her bedroom.

As it turns out there was never a boy named Josh, there was only a former friend, the friends mother and another neighbor. These three had created the boy to trick the girl. The mother said that she was involved because she wanted to know what the dead girl was saying about her own daughter on line.

Many of us have let the computer become a friend to our bipolar child. As I am sure this girls parents did the same. My own child spends a lot of time talking to friends on line. I had not thought about how susceptible he might be to a situation such as this. We all warn our children about pedophiles and adults that might pretend to be kids. I had never considered warning my child about other children. Yet he is probably much more likely to be harmed by a friend than a stranger. Bipolar children have such hostile and fluctuating tempers that they often anger other students without even realizing it.

When a child like mine and like this girl who choose to take her own life finally make a friend, weather it be on line or in life, they often devote themselves so totally to that person that the loss of that person can be overwhelming and unbearable. Bipolar children and teens never do anything half way. What does that leave when things change? We can hope that we have given them the coping mechanisms but that is not always the case.

What will I do differently having read this story? I will spend a little more time with my son so I have a better idea who he is speaking to on line. I will tell him about this young girl and discuss why she did not have to die. I would advise all of you to do the same.

Letter From A Reader

I recently received an email from a woman in Indiana. I am sure that many of you have words that can help her. I hope that by now she has found the DBSA support group in Valpo and is doing better.
She writes:
Not sure that this site is what I was exactly looking for. I have Bi-Polar 1 disorder and am looking for others to connect with to see why I have the social problems I do. I see a psychiatrist but I still run into several panic attacks and I depend on my significant other so much that he is feeling like I don't trust him. I am honestly just scared when he is away that I will have an attack and not keep it under control. What to do here in N.W. Indiana??????

First I would recommend the portion of the equation that you did not mention; the therapist. I would recommend someone that you are comfortable with and can connect with. Of course, Dr. Mary Zemansky is the first that comes to my mind. She is located in Chesterton and she is excellent. There are many good doctors and the most important thing is that you find one. The medication is just one piece and you have to connect all of the pieces to get the whole picture. I would also suggest a book entitled "Loving Someone Who Is Bipolar (Understanding and Helping your Partner)" by Julia Fast. This book will be good for you and your partner to both share.
You have to understand what your partner goes through. It is such a difficult disorder to share with someone. Even for those of us who are afflicted ourselves and have lived with Bipolar Disorder our whole lives it is difficult. At times I have to take a step back from my child and see that the behavior I am experiencing is the disorder not the child. Our spouses can be overwhelmed by our need for reassurance and constant companionship one second and the total lack of desire to be in the same room with them the next second.
Make an effort to see things from his side of the issue and try to find an out that will help you build your confidence. A DBSA meeting is a good place to find others who will relate to what you are experiencing and offer helpful advice. Any small group environment where you can meet others is a good place to start.
I hope this helps and I hope you have met with the great people at one of the support groups in your area.