New Year, New Medication

New year, New medicine. We are trying a new medication. Due to set backs and difficulties during October my son has undergone some changes in medication. He is still using the Lithium that was started over a year ago and the Lamictal. He was taken off Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Strattera, and Benzapin. The relatively new Em/Sam patch was added. It is an MAOI so we have to be aware of what he eats and other over the counter medications he might take.

I began this post more than three months ago. My son is still on the EM/SAM patch and doing well. He is doing better in school and showing more interest and patients than with previous medication changes. So far we have not seen any major side-effects. The trembling that had been in his hands for the past several years has gone and he is once again able to write. I am not going to say that EM/SAM is a miracle drug; not by any means. I am realistic enough to know that there is no permanent "fix." As with all the other medications this is the honeymoon and it will end when the levels of this drug become toxic or he has a hormonal change that causes the results to change. For now I am thankful for this time. I have a child, who is for the moment, a normal teenager. He goes out and shoots hoops with the neighbor kids. I can leave him at home alone for an hour or two and not worry about what I will find when I get home.

I am sure all of you realize, but I will say it again, just because this combination of drugs is working for my child there is no guarantee that it will work for your child or even continue to work for mine. Bipolar disorder is very fickle. It is so unpredictable and after all of these years all that we can really count on is the fact that what we expect to happen will not be the outcome.

Set Backs

I have finally finished school and will attend graduation on November 3rd. It has been a long and exhausting process, but for now it is complete. My son has suffered a set back. After doing so well for the past year and getting off to a fabulous start at the begining of the school year. Perhaps it was the stress from the school load, the medication or just the change of season. I am not sure we will ever really understand what happens when the mind fractures or how to put it back together. Jordan, now 13, was on seven medications and had been stable and doing very well. Now he is down to three medications. When he experienced his latest episode the only answer was to eliminate a medication. There were too many in his system to add another safely. The psychiatrist chose to add the new EM/SAM patch which is an MAO Inhibotor. So that meant eliminating Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Strattera, and a portion of the Lamictal. It was a rough task, but Jordan survived it. He is becoming more stable on the new medication. He is back to school, but it will be a while before he reaches where he was before this latest episode. It is difficult when we can not understand what has happened inside the mind and why it took place so suddenly without notice. Perhaps it has something to do with the seasonal changes or puberty but I guess we will never know.

Only One Child, A Million Teachers

Thank you all for haning in there and continuing to check this blog on a regular basis regardless of the lack of new information. I am now in my last semester of school and have maintained a 4.0 so you know why I don't have the time to blog. As for life in Texas it is going well. Jordan managed to finish the seventh grade on the A/B honor roll. This just goes to prove to everyone that when someone tells you that your child can't learn and will never be sucessful don't believe them and let someone keep your child from being sucessful.

I am glad that I removed Jordan from the school he was in. I know that not everyone can move to another state, but you can make changes in your child's education that will help your child to be sucessful. Even if you can't afford a private school you do have a right to move your child to another school in the district where he/she has a better chance to get what they really need. It is really difficult to fight the school district even if you have experience in the area of education. The special education team in Indiana really made my life and my child's life miserable. As I look back now and have had more experience with a district where things are done by the book it is truely appaling what we went through in Indiana.

I want to assure all of the parents of a bipolar child, who are still struggling on a daily basis, that there is hope. I had been to the end of my rope and was ready to throw in the towel when I made a change in my childs educational future. Of course, I had made other changes prior to this one, that were not as sucessful, but I kept trying. I believed in my child and his incredibly intelligent mind. I refused to let educators tell me what was best for my child. They assured me that they knew all about "children like mine" and had worked with hundreds of them. I was told that my child was simply manipulative and needed to be punished until he learned to do as he was told. In Texas the educational system truely did understand my child and choose to educate him as opposed to disipline him. He was not suspended by the Texas schools but remained at school to learn and he did learn.

Jordan has grown so much in the last year and I no longer dread the beginning of the school year. I know that he will continue to thrive. We still have set backs, after all, the fact that he is bipolar has not changed; just the way he is being educated. What I really want to tell all of you is don't give up on your child. The fight can be hard and at times it seems you will never win, but press on because your child is the most important person in the world. Don't ever let anyone tell you that any child is incapable of learning. Perhaps the teacher's style is just not conducisive to your child's style of learning. There are millions of teachers but there is only one child, yours. Good luck to all as we move into the new school year.

Book Recommendation

What It Takes To Pull Me Through was written by David L. Marcus and published by Houghton Mifflin Company, 2005. This was an inspiring book about the lives of teens, four in particular, who are committed to a fourteen-month program for troubled youth. Marcus guides us through their treatment and turmoil from within their group. Marcus tells us profound secrets of teens balancing on the edge between life and death. These teens have experienced events that steal childhood and force adult issues on children. Drugs, pregnancy, rape, overwhelming depression, mental disorders, eating disorders, sexual encounters, parental death, and teens out of control are some of the issues brought to light. Marcus guides us to feel the pain and the triumph of each teen. We yearn for them to succeed and we feel their anguish as our own when they experience a set-back.

In my personal opinion this is a heart wrenching story of kids gone wrong. It displays not only what can happen in the shadow of inner-cities, but also in the wealthiest suburbs where children are given every advantage. I would recommend What It Takes to Pull Me Through to every parent, especially those who believe tragedy only happens to other families, parents who think they know their children, parents who "“know", without a doubt, that their children always will come to them with every problem: this book is for them. This book illustrates what every parent fears most, the loss of a child. A loss, not to a tragic car accident, but to the slow and painful self-destruction of a teenager at the precipice of life and death; a childhood that never will be fulfilled due to over-indulgence by a consumer society that teaches money can buy happiness.

The Dumbing Down of American Education

What has happened to No-Child-Left-Behind? It began with so much promise but seems to have lost some of its zeal in the shadow of Iraq or Afghanistan. We may be able to turn out soldiers in America, but we slowly seem to be losing the ability to turn out scholars. No where has this become more apparent to me than a private college in Dallas, Texas.

The counselor was extremely helpful and worked diligently to get me enrolled. He gave me the information packet and assured me that it was a great program. I felt that I asked all the right questions. Is the program recognized by the ABA? He assured me that the program was accredited and job placement was assured, but not guaranteed. There is no accreditation. Upon seeing the counselor a few weeks into the program,he discovered that I was unhappy and he apologized profusely. He said that he just tells people what the college instructs him to. I even spoke to the President of the school to bring an issue to her attention, she assured me that she would call or email me with her findings. This was just more lip-service; I never heard from her.

I began the program with high hopes and high expectations, concerned that I would find it difficult to maintain my 4.0 in what sounded like such a comprehensive program. I naively assumed that the program would be worth what I considered the exorbitant price of nearly $30K for a two-year degree. I justified the cost in my mind by the convenience of the class schedule. It was geared toward adults with children and with jobs who were considering a career change.

I had researched and done my homework -or so I believed- until the first week of classes. I assured myself that I was over-reacting. There was no reason to panic just because many students in my Composition I class didn’t know what a verb was and could not pick one out in a sentence. The instructor seemed knowledgeable and professional, yet he too "dumbed down" his class. There would be no homework, nor would there be any long term papers; we would do most class work in pairs or small groups and the way to get an “A” would be to show up for class. The class continued to struggle through the syntax of the English language and I became the "floater," that would be the person who went around and helped others with their work. I knew I had much to learn about writing, but little of it would happen in this class.

The program director teaches my first class of the day. On a good day she is 30 minutes late. The first hour is usually lost to waiting and then conversation. Sometimes the second hour is dedicated to learning, but not always. I am continually asking myself, "What I am doing here?" a question the instructor asked me after a few days in class. An Intro Class was not what I needed after having finished the first year of a similar program in Indiana, but it was a requirement. I couldn't help but wonder how this school developed such a program! There are so many incredible programs in other areas that they could have modeled, but instead they seem to have flung together a high-priced imitation that is severely lacking in credibility and substance.

I have consistently dedicated myself to learning, whether I was enrolled in school or not I feel there is something to learn every day. Each book I read and every situation I encounter offers some knowledge that I didn't have before. Perhaps now I am to learn tolerance, patience-- or new ways to waste time and money! It is a shame that colleges don't have to abide by the same standards as public schools. I am too old to be a soldier.

Update from Texas

I am sorry that my content has been lacking again. I got an email from my brother (jwrblog.com)and he just couldn't imagine that with all the changes in my life lately there was nothing to say on my blog. So I guess I better catch you up with my life. We are doing very well in Texas. It is such a change from the mid-west. My son, Jordan, likes school. I never thought I would be saying that. He does not love doing homework, but he is not complaining, fighting, and refusing to go to school. He comes home and tells me that he had a good day. On Friday we got his first report card since we arrived in Texas. He is passing all of his classes; some with C's and B's. Those of you with a bipolar child struggling in the public school system know what an accomplishment this is.

I don't want to lead you to believe that it is all due to a change in environment, but I feel that has a great deal to do with it. I went from having a child that I struggled daily to keep alive to a child that is glad to be alive. I objected to the addition of Lithium to Jordan's medication regime for years because I was afraid of the side effects, but when it was the only option left I agreed to give it a try. The doctor stopped the Abilify and began the extended release Lithium. It was several weeks before we saw any improvement and not until a few weeks after we had moved to Texas. Jordan was on the Lithium for about 8 weeks before I noted any improvement so I don't know if all the credit should go to the medication or the move to Texas. Whatever the reason I will accept the change. I have a child who laughs again, he likes his life and he has a wonderful and funny personality. The difference is night and day.

I realize that the ups and downs will continue; I am not naive when it comes to this disorder, but I will gladly take the good that I am offered now and regain my strength for the possible bad that could be to come. Until I know if it is the Lithium or the environment...God Bless Texas.

New Name

Some of you may have noticed that I took off the North West Indiana from the blogs title. Since I am now residing in Texas it would be difficult to keep you up to date with what is going on in Indiana. I will still attempt to provide valuable information about Bipolar Disorder.
On Friday we had our first school meeting for Jordan and what a difference it was. It was such a wonderful change to have an educational team that was prepared to educate my child no matter what. I will keep you posted as to the progress with the school.

New Beginnings

At times we all need a new start. Some of us are lucky or brave enough to be able to make one. Perhaps it was just mania and not divine inspiration, but I have made a new start. After three years in the frozen land of Northern Indiana I have packed up and moved to Texas. I have brought my boys here to make a new start away from the schools of narrow thinking. It felt like the right thing to do. We are starting over in Grapevine, Texas. It is a good sized city between Dallas and Fort Worth. It has some of the best rated schools in the nation. I realize that there are good and bad teachers everywhere, but at least here they are familiar with what it takes to provide a "free appropriate public education." They were dumbfounded that my son had never been aided by a school psychologist in Indiana, I guess that is because the school didn't have one. There are going to be a lot of changes for us, and I am sure that they won't all be easy, but I will do everything in my power to make the lives of my boys better. I will miss the DBSA of Indiana and the wonderful people I left behind, but I know they are all wishing us well and believe in the changes I have made. I will continue to update the blog and to provide new information as it comes to me. Thank you all for reading and for your comments. I will do my best to provide some new content.

Still Meeting

I recently recieved a comment to this blog wondering if the support group was still active. The answer is "yes." The groups are very active and we are working to help as many people as possible.
The group in Valparaiso meets on the first and third Wednesday at the Aled P. Davies Independence House. It is located at 1254 Lincolnway. We meet there from 6-8pm and the first meeting of the month is generally a speaker meeting. We are still working on the formation of the teen group and have a facilitator who specilizes in working with teens. We welcome all teens and young adults to join this group and also their friends and siblings who would like to better understand this disorder.
There is also a group who meets in Merrillville on the second and fourth Monday of each month from 7-9pm at Methodist Hospital in the basement.
I hope this helped anyone who needed more information and I promise to try my best to update this blog more often. Please join us for the support group meetings. We have been there and we can help. Even I need to be reminded that "I am not alone."

Back To School

I recently attended the DBSA National Conference in Chicago. I was surprised and pleased to know that there are people out there other than my family who are reading this blog. I will try to update it more often so there is fresh content.

My boys are back to school. Some parents are really happy to see their children return to school. Those of us with bipolar children know that it is just another year of the same nightmare. Schools and teachers who don't understand what bipolar even means or are sure that your child is just a behavior problem and being more firm and less understanding will do the trick. I thought perhaps Junior High School would make the difference, I was wrong, but still hopeful. A week into school and the staff had still not seen the IEP. Two days after the staff had a meeting with the representative for the Special Education Office from the district my son received a "F" on a math test for using his calculator. When I questioned the teacher on why she didn't tell him that she didn't want him to use it she looked at me like I was stupid (a look I should be use to from teachers by now). I told her it is in his "IEP" that he can use the calculator so he is able to keep up with the other students. Her response, "I am not that familiar with his IEP."

So here we go, back to school. I hope others have better luck than I am. I will continue to update the blog as often as possible so keep checking back. Feel free to make comments if you have suggestions for me or others they can read the comments you send.

The Bipolar Sibling

In the latest issue of BP Magazine there is an article that addresses the issue of being the sibling of a bipolar child, adolescent , or adult. As caregivers and often consumers, we spend so much time thinking of the child who is ill that we neglect to see that this disorder has victims that stay in the shadows. Often they are hurting, but don’t want to complain or make things any worse for their parents; than they already are. I often wonder what the effect of having a sibling who has severe bipolar disorder really is. Never knowing what the outcome will be to the explosive behavior. My son who is not effected with bipolar disorder, Matthew, never knows if his brother will love him or hate him. If he will play with him or threaten him. It is a wild rollercoaster ride. As a mother I never know when it is a simple sibling squabble or a wild mood swing that could have dire consequences. There are the times when Matthew must wonder if he will be diagnosed next. If he is having a bad day and is tired or irritable does that mean he has “it?” As a parent I find myself wondering the same thing sometimes. Not sure if I am strong enough to go through this illness with another child. The child with bipolar gets so much attention. All the doctor appointments and the times when we give in as parents because it is so much easier than the fight that ensues when you say no. There is no fairness to the way you treat these children which just makes it harder for your “normal” child to accept the situation. Sometimes Matthew isn’t sure that he is the lucky one. It seems like his brother gets so much attention and gets away with more. It is true that I often expect less from his brother because I am simply thankful for what I have. It is very difficult when you listen to your sibling wishing he were dead. At nine how can you ever comprehend that someone could be in that much pain. I see this child's heartbreak when his brother is in so much pain and he can’t do anything to help him. I have a hard time understanding it myself so how can I expect a child to ever understand what his sibling with bipolar disorder is going through. It is important at times for Matthew to have a safe place that he can get to when he feels threatened by his brother. I like to believe that the threats are “all talk” and that Matthew would never really be injured by his brother, but I am not willing to bet his safety on that. His safe place is my bedroom which has a lock on the door, a phone, and a bathroom. It is difficult when you can’t leave your teenage son at home alone or with his brother. He is getting too old for a sitter, but even an hour alone could turn into a nightmare or it could be absolutely fine. Other family members can’t understand that. Even the boy’s own father says, “they will be fine for a few hours.” I know that I am not being over protective because I have seen what can happen when bipolar disorder takes over and my son is no longer in control of his actions. I have gotten a therapist for Matthew because I know he needs to tell someone what he experiences at home. I just hope everyday that he knows how much I love him and how special he is. I hope he never has to face the loss of his brother, but at nine he already knows it is possible.

Enable

Enable, according to Webster’s North American Dictionary, means: (1) to provide somebody with means; to provide somebody with the resources, authority, or opportunity to do something. (2) make something possible; to make something possible or feasible.
Just add an “er” to the end and you can easily become the person doing these things for someone else; the “enabler.” I am not really sure that makes sense. If you think of the free-will that we all possess how are we really enabling somebody else? Would they not be doing “it” if we didn’t authorize it, provide the resources or the opportunity for them? Where does free-will come into that? Are we to assume that the “enabled” would not find a way to do whatever “it” is without the help of the “enabler”?
When my brother, who is on his way to becoming an addiction therapist, was my brother, the heroin addict, my mom use to say that she should not have enabled him. I could never really understand how she did that. He didn’t live at home, he was well passed the age of consent, she didn’t give him money, nor did she authorize the use of illegal drugs, so according to Webster’s she really doesn’t fit the definition.
What she did do was love him unconditionally. No matter how far down he sank he knew she loved him. When he was ready to get help, guess who he went to? The one person he knew would not judge him, or throw him away, but would get him the help he needed; Mom. Was her love enabling? Maybe by somebody’s definition; somebody who doesn’t have children or who has never had to watch as a child tries time and time again to end the pain of their existence.
The principal of my son’s elementary school called today to give me a piece of her mind. When my son called in horrible emotional pain and asked me to come to his school and help him, I went. I was cleaning the house, not at work, or school just home doing chores. I went to the school. I helped him get it together and got him back to class. The principal told me I was enabling him. The child who had not been out of bed for fifteen hours because he was too depressed to move. The same one who goes to school day in and day out and he truly believes everyone there hates him. This child whom, at the age of eleven, begs everyday just to die and end the pain that his life, seems to him, to be.
So I listened to this woman who works with kids, but has never had any of her own. She has probably never stood at the grave of a child who succeeded in permanently ending the pain. I doubt she has ever sat in the psychic ward waiting room to spend thirty minutes with a nine year old that the hospital will only let you visit every other day. A child who you must have enabled, in some way, to attempt suicide. Enable-provide the resources, authority, or opportunity to do something. This does not fit me or the relationship I have with my child. If I have enabled him then it was with unconditional love so he would be able to come to me and tell me that he was afraid he would succeed in killing himself this time, but he didn’t want to die; just to stop the pain.
I listened and I held my tongue. I did not apologize for my actions. I did not agree with her. I did not tell her I would not run to his rescue again. But I did wonder how somebody with so much education could be so ignorant. I felt sorry for her. She had probably never had the chance to love somebody so unconditionally that she would give her life to make theirs better. Give everything to make their pain end even if it was just for a day. Just long enough to make it through one more school day.
If that is enabling then yes, I am an enabler. I will continue to enable my child to live in this cruel world one more day, year, decade, lifetime. I owe that to him because I am his mother. I don’t know if others can understand that. Those who are not mothers, fathers, grandparents. Somebody who has never stood by the grave of a child and tried to comfort a mother who found her child dead on the bathroom floor. I stood beside her and wondered if one day I would be standing where she was?
I listened to the principal and I thought about what she had said. I thought about what this all really meant. I asked myself…Would I stop the pain if I could? Would I take away my son’s disorder? Will I work to find a cure for his illness? Will I continue to love him unconditionally? Yes. Yes, to all of these questions. Yes, he is lucky to have me and I am lucky to have him. I will be fortunate if my child is with me for another day, year, decade, lifetime. If he is not, I will know that while I had him in my life I loved him with everything I had to give and he will have left knowing that. Never doubting my love or how I enabled him to grow, live, and love unconditionally.

Stress and College Students

As you welcome home your child from college for the summer listen to what they are saying or maybe what they are not saying. More and more college students are suffering from depression. This is a time in life when many young people are diagnoised with bipolar disorder. If you are at this site then you probably know what bipolar disorder is or think you know how it presents itself. Well, in teens like in children depression and bipolar disorder can look a little different so read on. Some of the red flags to watch for are a college student who doesn't want to get together with their friends when they come home. They choose instead to spend time alone. They sleep later than usual or choose to lounge around, not getting dressed or going out. At first, as a parent, you may think your child just needs some time to relax, but we are talking about teens. They seldom take time to relax when they can be with friends they haven't seen for a while or out doing something fun. So before you brush off symptoms of irrability or isolation take a closer look. Don't be afraid to talk to your child and ask them if they are depressed or feeling different. They may not be able to give it a name, they just know that they don't feel like themselves.

College is a whole new world to most. Even if high school was a breeze and your child is getting good grades they don't have you to fix meals, do the laundry, or make them be home and in bed on time. The stress of college is unimaginable for some and overwhelming for others.

Let your college student know that there is nothing wrong with them. Everyone feels a little overwhelmed or depressed at times and there is help. If you feel the problem is bigger than something you can handle don't hessitate to call a professional. There are therapists that specialize in working with teens and young adults. They know how to help your child feel comfortable.


I know I haven't been writing much lately, but my professors have sure been getting a lot of writing out of me. Being an overwhelmed student is something I am very familiar with. My biggest issue is my own children telling me that I am not spending enough time with them. I would like to say that I will be blogging more in the summer, but I am continuing to take classes so there won't be anymore time available than during the regular school year.

Dr. Zemansky Speaks About Teen Suicide

DBSA Valparaiso had the pleasure of having Dr. Mary Zemansky join us on March 2, 2005. She spoke to the group about a growing problem in our society, Teen Suicide. In the last ten years the suicide rate has tripled in the 15-24 year old age group. These teen years sometimes known as the “Years of Invincibility” have teens finding more and more that they are not invincible. Approximately 4,000 teens successfully commit suicide each year, thousands more attempt it. Teens 15-16 years old are most likely to commit suicide. Most attempts take place in the home between 3pm and midnight. Females attempt it more often, but males seem to take more drastic measures that are irreversible.

One of the most common myths about teen suicide is that only teens who are depressed attempt it. This is far from true. Many things prompt teens to come to the conclusion that their life is not worth living. As we all know the teen years are the hardest. Life is so intense during these years. Then with the addition of hormonal changes and peer relations it all mixes together for a tumultuous time for all teens.

Some of the events that can cause a teen to attempt suicide are as follows:
1. Peer pressure
2. Non-acceptance by peers
3. Hormonal changes
4. Loss of significant person in their life.
5. Humiliation from any event and harassment by peers.
6. Legal issues/ in trouble with the law.
7. Alcohol and drug use.
8. Eating disorders.
9. Family history of suicide or mental illness.
These are just some of the issues that could prompt suicide. Teens are as individual as are their reasons and their reactions to life issues.

Any threat of suicide should always be taken seriously. Even if the teen has a history of doing things to get attention, you don’t ever want to ignore a cry for help. It only takes one time of ignoring a threat to loss a child. Some of the signs to be on the look out for are as follows:
1. Previous suicide attempt.
2. Verbal threats
3. Giving away prized possessions.
4. Feeling depressed/hopeless/helpless.
5. Statements such as, “No one will miss me if I am gone.”
6. Sudden and obvious change in behavior or personality.
7. Beginning to use or increase in substance abuse. (This is often a sign that a teen is missing something in their life. They are trying to replace or self-medicate.)
8. Loss of a family member, friend, or pet.

Another myth that should be dispelled is that talking about suicide puts ideas in a persons head. The ideas were already there if you are seeing signs so take the time to talk to your teen. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care. If they are not comfortable talking to you suggest they speak to someone else such as a friend, school counselor, teacher, relative or neighbor. Dr. Zemansky says she often encounters teens that are afraid that if they have thought about suicide they must want to do it and that can be frightening. The truth is many teens have thought about suicide and would not do more than think about it, but they need to know that is normal. No teen is ever a lost cause. They can all be helped even if they really want to die. Don’t ever write off someone as a lost cause. Suicidal thoughts are often treated in an out-patient situation. Teens don’t need to be afraid that if they talk to someone they will be lock away in a hospital somewhere. After the start of medications, teens still need to be closely monitored. Sometimes if a person has been extremely depressed and unable to function after they begin to feel better with the medication they could possible have the energy to commit the act they have been thinking about, but didn’t have the strength to do.

There are protective factors that should be encouraged. Some suggestions are:
1. Support from others; family, friends, teachers, counselors, and relatives.
2. Having someone to talk to.
3. Being in control over stressful life events. During divorce kids need to know they are the number one priority in a parent’s life.
4. Concepts like divorce should be introduced slowly
5. Being spiritually centered. (Doesn’t have to be active in church just have a sense of oneself.)

Most suicidal teens don’t want to die, they want a way out or to escape the emotional pain. Many teens are unaware of the help available. Parents need to remember to listen and not lecture. Teens don’t need to be pushed away by an overpowering, lecturing parent. What they really need is love and understanding. Just let them know that it is okay to talk things out and get help.

For more information about teen suicide look on the web at:
www.teenagesuicide.com www.nami.org or a Google search under teen suicide.

My Inspiration

I would like to tell you about one of the bravest people I know. He is only a child yet he has more character than most adults. I have the honor of knowing this young person because he is my very own son. Though I do not take all the credit for his strength and wisdom; for I don’t think I could ever be so strong. He has taught me to be the willow in the wind. To bend until you think you will break and then stand tall once again.

His young life has never been easy. He has faced adversity, discrimination, and pain, which others can only imagine. Jordan has been chased by his own internal demons throughout his entire young life. The demons have shown him the depths of hell and he has fought and clawed his way back.

He has been terrorized in the night by jackals with the faces of those he loves. He has watched and lived through the terror of Jack the Ripper tearing him limb from limb. I have awoken to his blood curdling screams and known that he had to fight the demons alone. Even as his mother I could only watch and pray that he would wake and survive the pain and the horrors of the night. Each morning I am surprised to see that little angelic face emerge freshly washed and ready for yet another day of the life he has been dealt.

School for Jordan is like a walk across a bed of hot coals; never knowing what the outcome will be. His once lightening quick mind is dulled by the drugs that keep him alive. The few friends that he has shy away when the demons show their faces. The teachers seldom know that he has been up all night, terrified to sleep, or unable to find internal peace. Jordan is punished for the things he does instead of praised for his accomplishments and the person he is.

Jordan does not hear me as I scream at God about the unfairness of his life. He would tell me the words that he has heard me repeat so often; “God does not give us more than we can handle.” He is my strength and inspiration to go on and to fight for the rights he and every child deserve.

My son deserves to be understood and accepted as the bright and handsome boy that he is. He hides the demons so well, but when they escape and his soul is in turmoil the world can not understand. The world does not want to understand. Sometimes even I don’t understand. How could this beautiful child with his whole life ahead of him want nothing more than to die some days? To stop battling the demons and just accept the peace that only death can bring. Yet even as a child he thinks of his family not himself and he continues to struggle on, to save the rest of us from the pain.

This is my son, Jordan, which God has blessed me with and I pray that I will keep; for I need his strength as much as he needs mine. Most of all I need his love and the gentle hand that brushes away my tears and the sweet voice that quietly whispers, “God does not give us more than we can handle, Mom.”

I thought I should pass this along.

NAMI E-News January 19, 2005
Vol. 5-1
________________________________________________

Mental Health Screening Will Save Lives

Our nation simply cannot afford to continue to fail our
youth with mental disorders who need treatment. The tragic
consequences of our failure to identify youth through early
assessment and to intervene with appropriate mental health
treatment and services are well documented. The facts
speak for themselves:

- About 3,000 youth die every year from suicide (CDC);
- Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24
year olds and the 4th leading cause of death in children as
young as 10 years old (CDC);
- 90% of those who commit suicide have a diagnosable and
treatable mental disorder (Surgeon General, 1999);
- Approximately 10% of children and adolescents live with a
mental illness and yet, only about 20% of them are
identified and in treatment (Surgeon General, 1999);
- Youth with mental illnesses have the highest school
dropout and failure rates of any disability group (U.S.
Dept. of Education);
- An alarming 65% of boys and 75% of girls locked in our
nation’s jails and detention centers have one or more
psychiatric disorders (Teplin, L. Archives of General
Psychiatry, 2002).

Screening for the health and well being of children is a
well-established practice in the United States. We screen
for vision, lead poisoning, hearing, scoliosis,
tuberculosis, appropriate developmental progress and more.
Mental health screening is essential to address the gross
under-identification of youth with mental illnesses and the
tragic consequences that often follow. Research shows that
early identification and intervention leads to improved
outcomes and may lessen long-term disability. Many NAMI
families also recount that it promises to avoid years of
unnecessary suffering and lost opportunities.

NAMI calls on federal, state and local leaders to
immediately take affirmative steps to implement mental
health screening for children and adolescents. This
position is consistent with the recommendations included in
President Bush's New Freedom Commission report on mental
health that calls for mental health screening in child-
serving settings.

Campaigns of misinformation, stigma and fear must not stand
in the way of progress on this vital public health issue.
Screening must be done with proper protections and
guidelines in place. The most important of which are that
screening is voluntary and only done with parental
consent. To learn more about our position on mental health
screening and the protection and guidelines that families
are calling for, please review our recently adopted
position statement on mental health screening:


Representative Ron Paul of Texas has introduced
legislation, the Parental Consent Act of 2005 (H.R. 181)
that would prohibit the use of federal funds for mental
health screening. NAMI strongly opposes this legislation
and urges Congressional members not to support the bill and
any similar measures. The bill would stifle efforts to
support state and local programs designed to identify youth
struggling with mental illnesses and initiatives designed
to help reduce the existing youth suicide crisis in this
country.

Screening cannot be viewed in isolation. NAMI calls on
national leaders to build a comprehensive mental health
system of care for the millions of children who require
mental health treatment and services. These children and
families deserve nothing less.

Action Required:

Advocates are strongly encouraged to contact their members
of Congress to oppose H.R. 181 and other anti-screening
legislation. Advocates are also encouraged to share their
personal family stories with Congressional members about
how early detection of a child's mental illness made a
dramatic difference in their child's life or how the
failure to identify a child's mental disorder early
resulted in unnecessary suffering.

Congressional members are being regularly contacted by anti-
psychiatry groups who make false claims and distortions
about screening, including the claim that the President's
New Freedom Commission calls for mandatory screening
without parental consent. It is time to set the record
straight and to report on the experiences of countless
families from across the country. You may also send a
letter to your federal and state legislators and leaders on
mental health screening:


All House and Senate offices can be reached through the
Capital switchboard at 202-224-3121 (please note that this
is not a toll-free call). Senators and House members can
also be reached at their local offices that are listed in
the Blue Pages of your local phone directory.

Christmas Break Is Here.

Christmas Break is finally here. I might not be so excited if the kids were the only ones out for two weeks, but it is my break too. School for me is going really well, but it doesn't leave a lot of time to keep up with all my other obligations. I am sorry to admit the website here has suffered.
I hope everyone will remember that this is a very difficult time of year for many of us. When we are supposed to be happy, cheerful and full of fun so many of us are just having a hard time getting out of bed. Remember that you are not alone. Another depressing thought for you is that more people commit suicide at the holidays than any other time of the year. So it isn't just you and you are not alone even though you may feel like it. Do your best not to isolate yourself; even if it is the only thing you really feel like doing.

For those of you who are not bipolar, but have children or loved ones who are, please keep this valuable information in mind. Don't plague yourself with questions about why your child seems so down after you went to so much work and expense to give them a nice holiday. There is so much anticipation built into the pre-holiday hype that once the gifts are open and it is all said and done there is a real "let down." Some bipolar children will experience this more than others and some adults too. With children this could come out more in anger than depression. Try to keep them on a schedule, especially with their medication and sleep. Remember that they are not like all the other kids that may be around for the holidays and at times they just really need a little down time. They may not realize that, but if you figure it out you can initiate it and hopefully they will follow suit and feel better after a little down time. With all this in mind try to have a nice holiday and remember that just having your family at home with you (not in the hospital) and being together is all that really matters.

Just to catch you up, if you haven't heard, there have been some great changes made to IDEA that will take affect in July 2005. So if you are planning to work out a new IEP with your child's school don't let them force you into doing anything at the end of this year. Be sure to review the changes to see if they will affect you and your child and then plan to meet with the school just before the beginning of the 2005-2006 school year and implement the new changes to your advantage. For a complete update and understanding of the new laws go to www.wrightslaw.com

The DBSA of Northwest Indiana recently received some much needed funding from the Porter-Starke Foundation. We are very grateful to them and so happy that they support the work we are doing. We hope to be able to get more people involved in the support groups. We know from experience that it really does help.

We have had some really wonderful group discussions lately. We have two interesting speakers coming in February and March. The speaker meetings are always the first Wednesday of the month in Valparaiso at 6 P.M..

In February Dr. Robert Walsh will be joining us to discuss how to simplify the process of Social Security/Disability for you or your children. Dr. Walsh is in private practice in Chesterton, but once a week he spends a day in Fort Wayne doing evaluations for the state. He is very knowledgeable in the field of child psychology and I just can't sing his praises loudly enough. Those of you who have heard him speak know to arrive early to get a seat and we will prepare for a large group.

In March Dr. Mary Zamanski will be joining us to discuss the heart wrenching topic of suicide; centering on teen suicide. There are few of us in this field that have not been touched at one time on another by this topic. Dr. Zamanski is in private practice in Chesterton. She treats people of all ages and does couples therapy. She is very interested in helping teens and has been a real asset to our teen support group. We will look forward to seeing all of you there. Please feel free to bring your teens. They will be joining the adult group that evening for the speaker and discussion.

I will try to get some new information on this site for you while I am on winter break. I hope all of you are able to have a good holiday and a happy new year.

In Case You Missed Dr. Lelek's Visit

Dr. Lelek was a pleasure to have as a speaker as usual. He is a great supporter of self-help groups. He encourages everyone diagnosed with a mood or mental disorder to seek the help of those who have been there. Dr. Lelek feels that it is important to have the right medication for your disorder or disorders, a good plan of therapy with a therapist that you're comfortable with and that you trust, and last but by no means least...a support group. DBSA offers support, advice, and can direct you to professionals in the area that can help you.

Dr. Lelek says that he seldom sees patients with single diagnoses anymore. He is seeing more and more not only duel diagnoses, but also poly-diagnoses of two or more disorders. Many of us with bipolar children know that bipolar disorder often goes hand in hand with ADHD or other learning disorders. Dr. Lelek said that is why it is so important to use a psychiatrist that is familiar with all of the many psychotropic medications. These medications change so rapidly and new ones are being developed everyday. A general practionaner or your child's pediatrician just can't keep up with the combinations and the side effects. If you have a duel or poly-diagnoses it is often necessary to find a medication that will treat each of the diagnoses. This often requires taking a combination of an SSRI to fight depression, a GABA for the mania, a mood stabilizer to keep the bipolar symptoms at bay and depending on what else is going on perhaps another medication to address that issue.

We often think that we are going to become addicted to all these drugs we are taking, but Dr. Lelek assures us that we will not become drug addicts from taking medicines that our brains need to function at its full ability. This does not mean that you should ever just stop a medication suddenly. It is important to have your psychiatrist assist you in any decision to stop or change a medication. You may not go through psychological withdrawal, but you could become very manic or depressed suddenly and it will be much harder to control this episode if you stop a medication suddenly on your own.

Many of these medications also need time to start working. It is not uncommon to expect a month to pass before you really notice a difference. After that you need to give the medicine a chance, to see if it will be the correct medicine and dose for you. The medication rule is "go slow” when working with psychotropic medications. Doses need to be increased slowly and given time to work. It is also important to know the possible side effects and when to call the doctor. It is a good idea to let your doctor know immediately if you experience a rash or other unexpected side effects.

We always seem to get Dr. Lelek off his true lecture and onto a discussion about medication.
He is a Doctor of psychology, he also holds state and national accreditation as a drug and alcohol therapist, but he is not a prescribing psychiatrist. He has been working with drugs and their devastation since 1976. He is wonderful to talk to and very knowledgeable about the workings of the brain and how medications can affect those workings. So we tend to take advantage of his ability to put things in lay terms when it comes to medications.

We did discuss therapy with Dr. Lelek. He says he occasionally sees cases of SBS...Spoiled Brat Syndrome. Many of we parents might admit to seeing this syndrome in our own children. Even children who suffer with mood disorders can have this co-morbid syndrome. I know, I am guilty of giving into my child when he is behaving because it is so much easier than having him explode if I don't. Dr. Lelek told us that "Consequences and Stability" are two of the most important steps in regaining control over our children. I have tried to think of every possible "action" my child is known to commit and have made a list of the punishment these actions will result in. It is posted on the refrigerator to remind both of us to stick with it and be consistent.

Most of us probably attend or send our children to the old standard of "Cognitive Behavior Therapy." Dr. Lelek practices this, but has some new ideas that he is finding better results with. Like "RET" Rational Emotive Therapy... the main premise is "Change the thinking and control the feelings." Consistency+ Time = Change. I know many of us just wish our children would think, what we think of as, "normal." An example would be the child that has to buy the shoes NOW and will die if she doesn't get them. The "all or nothing" thought pattern that so many bipolar people, young and old, get into at times.

Dr. Lelek suggests using "Reality Therapy" with teens. Make them responsible for their behavior, and the consequences of that behavior. It is important to let a teen feel that they have some control of their life, but let them know that with that control comes responsibility. With all these therapies it is important to encourage the self-esteem of a child or teen. This is often a stumbling block for those afflicted with a mood disorder.

Dr. Stanley Lelek has an office in Valparaiso at 8 N Morgan Blvd. 219-464-9495. He takes most health plans and government subsidized plans. He also believes that treatment is the most important issue and he is there to help people not to get rich. We at DBSA want to thank him for coming to speak to our group once again.

Children Learn What They Live by: Dorothy Law Nolte

Children Learn What They Live

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith
in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world
is a nice place in which to live.


This is one to print and put up on the fridge. We often forget that our children are learning from us and everything we do. The example we set could make a lifetime of difference. We need to think about who we want our children to become and start now to shape their lives before it is too late.
So, the next time the man in the sports car cuts you off, stop and think before you yell obscenities at him. Your children are listening. Pay attention to the words you use. Children learn to do as we do, not as we tell them to do. It is embarrassing when the teacher calls to tell your child said *#^**!! on the playground. Teachers never believe that "we don't speak that way at home." Even if it is true.

Dr. Stanley Lelek , Guest Speaker in November

There are no more new hours in the day, but I am hanging in there. I wanted to let all of you know that you need to mark your calendars for the November 3rd meeting of the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance in Valparaiso. The incredible Dr. Stanley Lelek will be our guest speaker once again. For those or you who are not familiar with the doctor, just trust us that you will love him.

Dr. Lelek is a renowned Drug and Alcohol Counselor and a fabulous therapist. He tells it like it is and answers questions in words everyone can understand. I hope you won't just take my word for it, but come and see why we all love Dr. Lelek so much. DBSA is meeting at the Aled P. Davies Center at 1454 W. Lincoln Way at 6:00 P.M.

We are also holding the Teen/Young Adult meetings on the first and third Wednesdays at the same place, but they have a separate room. I hope the teens will join us for the speaker portion. I feel that they can benefit from Dr. Lelek's wisdom more than anyone.