Back To School

I recently attended the DBSA National Conference in Chicago. I was surprised and pleased to know that there are people out there other than my family who are reading this blog. I will try to update it more often so there is fresh content.

My boys are back to school. Some parents are really happy to see their children return to school. Those of us with bipolar children know that it is just another year of the same nightmare. Schools and teachers who don't understand what bipolar even means or are sure that your child is just a behavior problem and being more firm and less understanding will do the trick. I thought perhaps Junior High School would make the difference, I was wrong, but still hopeful. A week into school and the staff had still not seen the IEP. Two days after the staff had a meeting with the representative for the Special Education Office from the district my son received a "F" on a math test for using his calculator. When I questioned the teacher on why she didn't tell him that she didn't want him to use it she looked at me like I was stupid (a look I should be use to from teachers by now). I told her it is in his "IEP" that he can use the calculator so he is able to keep up with the other students. Her response, "I am not that familiar with his IEP."

So here we go, back to school. I hope others have better luck than I am. I will continue to update the blog as often as possible so keep checking back. Feel free to make comments if you have suggestions for me or others they can read the comments you send.

The Bipolar Sibling

In the latest issue of BP Magazine there is an article that addresses the issue of being the sibling of a bipolar child, adolescent , or adult. As caregivers and often consumers, we spend so much time thinking of the child who is ill that we neglect to see that this disorder has victims that stay in the shadows. Often they are hurting, but don’t want to complain or make things any worse for their parents; than they already are. I often wonder what the effect of having a sibling who has severe bipolar disorder really is. Never knowing what the outcome will be to the explosive behavior. My son who is not effected with bipolar disorder, Matthew, never knows if his brother will love him or hate him. If he will play with him or threaten him. It is a wild rollercoaster ride. As a mother I never know when it is a simple sibling squabble or a wild mood swing that could have dire consequences. There are the times when Matthew must wonder if he will be diagnosed next. If he is having a bad day and is tired or irritable does that mean he has “it?” As a parent I find myself wondering the same thing sometimes. Not sure if I am strong enough to go through this illness with another child. The child with bipolar gets so much attention. All the doctor appointments and the times when we give in as parents because it is so much easier than the fight that ensues when you say no. There is no fairness to the way you treat these children which just makes it harder for your “normal” child to accept the situation. Sometimes Matthew isn’t sure that he is the lucky one. It seems like his brother gets so much attention and gets away with more. It is true that I often expect less from his brother because I am simply thankful for what I have. It is very difficult when you listen to your sibling wishing he were dead. At nine how can you ever comprehend that someone could be in that much pain. I see this child's heartbreak when his brother is in so much pain and he can’t do anything to help him. I have a hard time understanding it myself so how can I expect a child to ever understand what his sibling with bipolar disorder is going through. It is important at times for Matthew to have a safe place that he can get to when he feels threatened by his brother. I like to believe that the threats are “all talk” and that Matthew would never really be injured by his brother, but I am not willing to bet his safety on that. His safe place is my bedroom which has a lock on the door, a phone, and a bathroom. It is difficult when you can’t leave your teenage son at home alone or with his brother. He is getting too old for a sitter, but even an hour alone could turn into a nightmare or it could be absolutely fine. Other family members can’t understand that. Even the boy’s own father says, “they will be fine for a few hours.” I know that I am not being over protective because I have seen what can happen when bipolar disorder takes over and my son is no longer in control of his actions. I have gotten a therapist for Matthew because I know he needs to tell someone what he experiences at home. I just hope everyday that he knows how much I love him and how special he is. I hope he never has to face the loss of his brother, but at nine he already knows it is possible.